8 Reasons Not To Worry About What Age You Marry
At a certain age, it becomes difficult not to worry about when you’ll get married. You find yourself calculating, “If I met a guy now, we’d probably date for at least a year before living together, live together for at least two years before getting engaged, the engagement would last half a year…gulp.” But not only is that worrying bad for your blood pressure, but it’s also just plain useless. Here are eight reasons not to worry about what age you marry.
The worry: “If I don’t focus, I won’t find him.”
This is a common theory—that you must focus on (i.e. worry about) finding a guy or else you won’t find one. It’s the “The universe gives back what you put out there” concept.
If you’re hyper-focused on getting married, you’ll more than likely marry the wrong guy. You’ll approach every man you see with the “Could you be my husband?” goggles instead of the, “Do you, more than anyone else on this planet, make me happy?” Plenty of guys look good under the “Could you be my husband?” goggles, and that’s what’s dangerous about them.
The worry: I can’t wait too long to have kids
This is a biologically sound argument—that after a certain age, having children becomes much more difficult, if not impossible.
The reality is that if you have kids with anyone other than the guy who was just right for you, that’s not fair to any of you. Here, you’re wearing the “Could you be a good dad?” goggles. And you could rope both of you into an unhappy marriage, and drag children into an unhappy family.
The worry: I want a home
Wonderful real estate is, without a doubt, difficult to come by as a single woman. The family house, with the pool and the multiple bedrooms, seems silly to get solo, not to mention too expensive.
Marrying someone because he can provide for you a certain type of life is not a sustainable model. All of the guest rooms and swimming pools and cheery neighbors and charming gardens cannot inject compatibility where there is none. That big, four-bedroom house will feel cold and empty if you live in it with the wrong man. Think about it: best friends can make a tiny, cramped apartment feel warm and lovely. The opposite is true, too.
The worry: “If I’m too picky, one day it will be too late.”
So, you’re afraid that the reason you’re still single is because you’ve been too picky. Maybe you let perfectly good guys go because you thought something better was coming, and maybe it’s not.
You shouldn’t be scolding yourself for “being picky”—you should be applauding yourself for not marrying the wrong person. Look at the last five to ten years like that: years you managed to escape committing to the wrong person.
The worry: “I don’t want to be old and alone.”
You want someone to be with you in those years when you need help down the stairs, or a reminder to take your medication. You’re worried if you don’t meet a man soon (and what are you? Like 30? 40?) you’ll be alone when you’re 80.
The company isn’t company if it’s bad company. Don’t rush into marrying someone now so you’ll have company when you’re 80. That will only drive you into marriage with the wrong person, and then when you’re 80, you’ll just have pills to take and stairs to conquer and a husband you can’t stand. But what’s more, is that you will find someone well before the time you’re 80, so cool it.
The worry: I won’t be fine for long
You’re worried that gravity will catch up to you, and grey hairs, and less-defined abs. You’re worried you’ll cease to be a catch.
Attractive is subjective. Here’s a reality check: there are hoards of men out there who only accept women with perfect breast implants and surgically reduced waistlines and $2,000 extensions. There are also men who “have a thing” for older women. There will be somebody (plenty of somebodies) who always find you hot. And when you are hot right now, there are plenty of guys who don’t find you hot. It’s something nobody can control, so don’t even try.
The worry: Nobody wants to marry a woman over 35
You’re worried that when men are ready to marry, they look for younger women. Most men aren’t really ready to marry until their mid to late thirties, so at that point, they look for women in their twenties, right?
Do you really want to marry any man who would write off a woman because of her age? Any man who is an ageist isn’t looking for true compatibility, so you couldn’t possibly find true compatibility with him, so screw him!
The worry: I don’t want to be a middle age bride
So you think strapless dresses with big bows on them and pearl belts are for twenty something’s huh?
If you’re marrying in your forties, then all of your friends are in their forties too! The people who matter—the people who will come to your wedding—are people you’ve known for ages. And to them, you look ageless. Plus, it’s only later in life that you can afford the truly fabulous dresses.