The Road To The Altar: What Is Grounds For Disinviting Someone To Your Wedding?

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Corbis

Have I mentioned that I’m a cardholding member of the Petty Gang?

It’s something I’m working on.

But as I continue to try and get over the hump of pettiness, I still find myself wondering when I’m being narrow-minded about certain things in my personal life, and when I’m justified in my irritation. For instance, is it petty to want to disinvite a friend to my wedding because they constantly let me down?

First things first: What could a person do that is grounds for disinviting them to your wedding?

When Demetria Lucas-D’Oyley’s then-fiancé (now husband), Greg, told her he didn’t want Geneva Thomas at their wedding after he felt that she talked to him disrespectfully and didn’t act like much of a supportive friend to her, Lucas-D’Oyley was caught between two very important people in her life. To disinvite Thomas would be the ultimate f–k you to someone she considered a good friend. Therefore, she did everything in her power for the rest of the second season of “Blood Sweat and Heels” to mend fences between her man and her friend.

And I understand why she wanted to do so. Disinviting someone is a big decision to make, and many believe that doing so is akin to ending a friendship or relationship with a loved one. It’s like saying, I’m so over you I don’t even want you to watch me celebrate a significant milestone in my life.

So what has me thinking about all this? Well, I haven’t formally sent out invitations just yet, but I did ask for a friend’s address for save the dates a while back and told him I would want him to come to my nuptials next year. But as of late, I haven’t been able to count on him, and I’m wondering if he’s really that much of a friend at all.

I’ve known this guy since we were in middle school and we grew pretty close in high school. To be clear, there’s never been anything romantic between us. For one, he’s been with the same girl for nearly a decade, a girl (and former teammate) I set him up with. Secondly, I don’t look at him like that. And while we’ve had a lot of hilarious and insightful conversations over the phone, over coffee, and just sitting on his car outside of my family’s home, as of late, he’s been flaking out on me–a lot. And not just any ol’ flaking.

He’ll tell me we should meet up in the neighborhood we grew up in (I’m home for the holidays), and I’ll clear my schedule to do so. Other friends from childhood will call, and I say, “I can’t do tonight, I already have plans with ___. How about tomorrow?” When my fiancé asks me how I’m spending my evening, I proudly say, “I’m supposed to meet up with ___ tonight!”

And then, I get stood up.

The hours pass with no calls, no texts, no smoke signals, no birds with a message to deliver. I sit there, texting and calling, trying to get in touch–only to not receive a single response. And no, he’s not somewhere hurt, in a ditch or stuck in traffic when this happens (it’s happened a few times). Most recently, his girlfriend posted pictures of a soiree at their apartment on Instagram that he was present for.

Damn.

And what kills me is that he’ll call months later, ready to laugh and joke, as if nothing happened. He messages me from the same number I called and previously text when I asked “Hey, are we still meeting up?” But he never acknowledges his behavior, let alone apologize. And don’t let the man be in New York or New Jersey for a work trip. He’ll want me to drop everything I’m doing to meet up. I gets no respect.

I appreciate the fun we have, and having a male perspective outside of people I’m related to or in a relationship with. But I like to feel as though I’m not doing all the appreciating and having my time wasted. Friendship is nice, but at a certain age, no one has the energy to deal with individuals who are only about self. That’s so high school.

So yes, I’m peeved. Annoyed to the point of possibly rescinding an invitation to my wedding–as in, not sending one at all (I would never call someone and say, “Don’t bother showing up!). I do worry that on one of the most important days of my life, he would flake out on me, yet again. And that’s not what I want to be worried about when I look around the church and reception hall to see a room full of supporters. I’ve dealt with enough disappointment already.

But, again, I am financial secretary of the Petty Gang, and I could be overreacting. I do have love for him, and outside of being extremely inconsiderate, he can be a good guy. But I can’t help but worry…

So what do you think? And what would cause you to second-guess inviting someone to your wedding?

 

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