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Feeling sexy is a state of mind. Have you ever seen a woman walk into a room and own it? It doesn’t matter how tall she is, what size she wears, or what her hair looks like—she just stands firm in all her fly-ness, letting her light shine bright. Don’t we all want to embrace who we are, exuding confidence in every step we take?

So how do we get there? With all the negative images out there about size, skin color, hair, and so much more, how do we fall in love with ourselves? How do we all—regardless of what we look like or where we are in life—get to a point where we feel totally and completely sexy in the skin we are in?
It’s easy for so many of us to point out our flaws, but when asked what makes us sexy, we tend to hesitate. But we shouldn’t. We have to stop waiting for this imaginary “moment” where we finally feel good about ourselves. Feeling great about who you are is a state of mind and we are the only people who control that. The key to feeling and being sexy doesn’t require you to change a thing about your body; it simply requires you to change your mind.

Here are a few tips that can help you feel sexier in the skin you’re in:

Take really good care of your skin. Our skin is the first thing people see when they look at us. Whether you have glowing skin, or a few skin issues that cause concern, we should all take great care of our skin because once we damage it, that damage cannot be reversed. Wash with the right products, moisturize, exfoliate, protect, and pamper your skin daily. You’ll feel good and you’’ also be glad you did in years to come.

Indulge in a warm bath. Sometimes going to the spa is not in the budget (if it is, please go!). I find that a warm bath can have the same relaxing affect as a spa visit. Take some time to relax and just breathe, while giving your body—and your skin—some time to rest.

Pursue an opportunity. Do you have a list of things you want to do, but for one reason or another you just aren’t doing them yet? What are you waiting for? Nothing builds confidence and makes you feel great like finally stepping out on faith and making a move. Even if things don’t turn out the way you’d like, having the courage to step out once can give you the courage to do it again and again.

Go out with friends. I know you love you career and your babies and your partner, but check this out… you need to spend some time with your girls. Throw on something sexy, get those lashes poppin’ and spend some time out on the town with people who “get” you, don’t want anything, and know how to have a good time.

Try something new. Is there an art class you want to take? Maybe you want to try pole dancing? Have you been itching to take dance lessons? Whatever it is, step out of your comfort zone and make it happen. If nerves are getting in the way, try to enlist a homie that will do it with you. New experiences feel good and when you feel good, you feel sexy.

 Tell someone “no.” No need to be mean about it, but saying “no” can really be a wonderful thing. You can’t be everything to everybody and if you try to, you will surely suffer the price. If you start saying “no” to others, allowing more room to “yes” to yourself, life will begin to feel pretty freaking good.

Get physical. It’s hard to exude sexiness if you feel tired, run down, and weak. Take that body God gave you and move it! Pilates, hiking, dance, running, sex—I don’t care what it is, just get moving. It’s great for your mental, physical, and emotional health, and a healthy woman is a sexy woman.

Martine Foreman is a freelance writer, lifestyle blogger, and life and family coach. To follow her journey as a busy mom, wife and honest chick from Brooklyn, NY (now living in the burbs), check out her personal blog, CandidBelle.

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