Sexy Holiday Ideas That Can Go Very Wrong
The holidays provide the perfect opportunity to add a little cinnamon spice to things that are already spicy, and a little heat to activities that are already steamy. But some sexy holiday ideas can go very wrong.
Hello, indigestion. Even if you (by some miracle) are fine with tons of dairy, you’ll still feel too bloated after these 600-calorie-a-pop drinks to do anything sexy.
Ski bunny sex
Wearing a one-piece ski bunny outfit, unzipped so your bra is out, looks awesome but is impossible to take off. Plus it makes your va-jay-jay sweat within four minutes of having it on.
Sex by the fireplace
Or flinging your really expensive bra into the fire on accident.
Dozens of candles littering the floors and table tops, surrounded by highly flammable glasses of alcohol, looks gorgeous. And is a death wish.
If you are going to keep a thong around with little white fringe plus some nipple tassels shaped like tiny Santa hats, just make sure you won’t have any children visitors. You don’t want a toddler holding up your worn Santa thong asking, “What’s this toy?!”
Turning yourself into a pie
Covering yourself in pumpkin pie flavored whipped cream is delicious for him, and very sticky for you for days to come no matter how many times you shower.
Sex at his parent’s place
You go home to his parent’s place for the holidays. You think it will be so hot to do it on his childhood bed. You didn’t know that doubles as his dad’s study now, and his dad walks in whenever he wants.
What better way to get lots of kisses (that turn into make outs that turn into sex sessions) than cover your place in mistletoe? Oh. Wait. Your boyfriend’s creepy cousin is staying with you for the holidays, and he is taking it the wrong way.
Dressing as an elf
If you want to dress like a sexy elf, just cover up with a trench until you’ve reached your destination. If any children see you, they will start handing you their wish list for you to give to Santa.
Instead of a physical gift this Christmas, you’re giving your man several physical gifts. But, “BJs whenever you want them” turns out to be way more work than you were in for.
Sex in the snow
More like frost bite in really awful places, and rolling in the urine-stained snow.
A ski weekend
Just stay in the cabin. If you leave to ski, you’ll be so cranky from the long lines, expensive snow gear and miserable weather you won’t want to bang later.
You, in a bow
It might work, but don’t wait around the house in that thing. If your partner comes home in a bad mood for whatever reason, and you’re stark naked in a big bow, it’s just awkward.
Sex on the floor
Something about the holidays makes you want to make love on a shag rug on the floor. Oh wait—your dog wants in on the action too.
Condoms on the Christmas tree
It’s all fun and games for when your friends come over, but if you forget just one on there, you have a lot of explaining to do for your parents.