Family Matters: My Sister Cut Me Off Years Ago, And Now She Wants Me Back In Her Life…
What would it take for you to cut a family member off?
For some, it only happens if someone in their family did an unthinkable thing. For others, it happens when you feel like your family member is just plain ol’ toxic.
And for a few people, it might be because you’re living in a way that you know isn’t the healthiest, and you’re sick of hearing your family’s opinions about your choices.
My friend Courtney’s sister cut her off two years ago and never really explained why. They didn’t have a big knockout, drag-out fight. Instead, her sister was dating a guy that her family didn’t think was good for her and good enough to be around her two daughters.
When Courtney tried to contact her sister after a big family row over it all, her calls went unanswered. Messages were never returned. At one point, Courtney got so nervous because she hadn’t heard from her sister that she started calling everyone who knew her, only to see that her sister was just fine. She was posting on Facebook like it was nothing–she just didn’t want to be bothered with her family. She even acted like she didn’t see Courtney when the two encountered one another briefly at the mall.
Feeling exasperated and not understanding her sister’s decision, Courtney eventually gave up on trying to figure her out. She went on with her life and hoped that her sister would be okay.
Then out of the blue, last week, Courtney’s sister sent her a text. She told her that she missed talking to her and would love if Courtney could come by her home sometime to hang out and catch up. And while there’s nothing wrong with wanting to mend fences, Courtney did feel that her sister’s out-of-the-blue request was odd.
After two years of treating someone like a leper, now she wanted to hang out? No explanations as to why she had gone ghost? No apologies for her behavior? Just a “Hey sis! I’ve missed you”? Nah. That won’t work.
But all Courtney received was a regular text message as if they had just talked recently, asking her to come over and see her nieces and to hang out.
However, Courtney’s mom (who is her sister’s stepmom) isn’t feeling it. She thinks that her sister just wants something from her and is not necessarily that interested in working things out. Whether it’s a babysitter or some money, Courtney’s mom thinks her stepdaughter just needs help of some kind and won’t come out and say it straight.
And Courtney’s boyfriend doesn’t really trust her sister either. He says that should Courtney decide to go visit her sister, she shouldn’t go by herself. You just never know what people have going on or what they’re up to. Especially when they cut you off out of the blue and in such a cold manner, and then turn around trying to be all warm and fuzzy.
So Courtney is confused. She genuinely misses talking with her sister and would like to get back to the way things used to be, but she’s wondering if she’s setting herself up to be used. Or even worse, to be hurt again.
You all know that I’m all about family, so it should be no surprise that I’m saying that Courtney should try and give her sister another chance. However, she doesn’t need to pick up, drop everything and run to a woman who didn’t even care to call her to let her know that she was okay or to explain why she had a beef in the first place. For Courtney’s sake, I think it’s a good idea for her and her sister to try and reconnect slowly through actual phone conversations. Heck, maybe even FaceTime. But they can’t move forward with things until they have a good understanding of the past. And by moving slowly, Courtney won’t take a hard blow if it turns out that her sister is still on that bulls–t. Would she be disappointed? Yes. But hurt, with no answers and wasted gas from trying to go out of her way to see her sister? Nope.
How do you think Courtney should handle things? Should she attempt to reconnect with her sister? Does her sister need to do more of the work to mend things? Or does Courtney need to leave her alone altogether?