So I watched Real Housewives of Atlanta yesterday. Well, most of it at least. Sometimes the shenanigans and drama between the ladies is so over the top I find myself flipping channels. (And if you’re wondering why I don’t do recaps or live tweet for the show anymore, I’m sorry, but it’s like a second full-time job trying to sit on the computer for two to three hours every Sunday evening for almost six months straight.)
Still, I did check out last night’s episode, which featured the argument between Porsha Williams and Cynthia Bailey during the “Bachelorette” boat party. In case you missed it, Kenya Moore got into it with Williams’s friend, Shamea Morton, over some jabs taken during her hair care launch party (Moore having water in the product bottles is kind of hilarious).
After Moore acted as though she were going to have the boat operator pull over to kick Morton off, Bailey got up to try and calm Moore down. When she did, Williams made a quip about Bailey being Moore’s “best friend.” Bailey responded by telling her that they should all question some of the people they call “best friend” in their group. From there, Williams said, “Who b—h?” and all hell quickly broke loose.
Bailey told Williams that she didn’t need to call her out of her name because she didn’t do that to her. According to Bailey, it was about respect, and Williams was showing very little. Williams, however, seemed shocked that she was being reprimanded. Especially since they had called one another b—h, allegedly as “a term of endearment” throughout the boat party. But Bailey was heated. More heated than we’ve seen her in a long time.
When Williams tried to address Bailey about it, the former model was still on edge. Even insulting at times, going after Williams’s appearance and intelligence while Williams sat their calmly, taking Bailey’s long finger in her face: “It’s very dismissive and very disrespectful, and your a– know it is. So stop playing like you’re dumb. People call you stupid, but I know you’re not that damn stupid.”
And in no time flat, Williams’s hand was in Bailey’s face, which seemed to be an added affront to Bailey despite her own finger-wagging habits. She grabbed Williams’s hand and just like that, the screen went black–Porsha had been hit in some way (reportedly kicked in the stomach) and had to be held down by one of the production crew.
It was quite the mess. And in my mind, I initially felt as though if I were in that situation, I would have just apologized so everyone could move on. But that’s just who I am. People are entitled to their feelings, even the silliest of reactions. I often feel that we sometimes fail to acknowledge those feelings when we refuse to say “I’m sorry,” and we usually fail to apologize because of our pride. We’re human. We say and do things we don’t mean sometimes, and people may feel some kind of way about it. To keep the peace and to move past such minuscule matters (there was a party going on for goodness sake), I would have just apologized for offending her if that truly wasn’t my intention. That’s just how I operate as someone from a big family.
But should Porsha? Probably not.
Honestly, I thought she was joking with her use of the b-word. To be clear, she didn’t say, “Whatever b—h” as Bailey claimed, but rather, “Who b—h?” Afterward, she made a reference to Bailey throwing “slight shade” with a smile on her face. However, Bailey was already upset at that point. All the more reason folks should stop throwing around “b—h” if they’re not really about that lighthearted, jokey-joke life.
And Williams did approach Bailey like an adult to try and hash things out, confused at how she had offended someone whom she traded playful “b—hes” with all day. But Bailey wasn’t trying to hear it.
In that moment, I would say that Bailey didn’t operate like someone deserving of an apology.
That’s right, sometimes being offended ins’t enough to warrant an apology, especially when you’re behaving in an extremely aggressive manner. Like sticking your finger in someone’s face, which Bailey has done way too many times (remember her spat with Burruss at NeNe Leakes’s pajama jam?). In fact, I would say that her whole beef with Williams stemmed from the fact that Bailey has misguided anger. She popped off on Williams because just a few seconds before she made her “best friend” joke about Bailey and Moore, Kandi Burruss had encouraged Bailey to go talk to her “best friend,” to which Bailey responded, “Shut up, Kandi.” Hyped up on drinks, she was sick and tired of being the butt of folks’ jokes.
And Bailey had been dealing with the anger of finding out that her husband has been out here living foul, and so recklessly that he’s been caught on camera at that. Since that reveal was made, their relationship has supposedly been on a rocky road, so much so that Bailey told Burruss the following, according to Us Weekly:
“It’s just too hard,” the Bailey Agency owner admitted. “I’m going to bed every night by myself. His little side of the bed doesn’t ever have to be made up. I’m not going to be 50 sitting in a marriage and I’m not happy.” Kandi gently urged her to give it the old college try before throwing in the towel, prompting Cynthia to admit that things were, at least for the moment, a bit better. “Right now, we’re speaking again.”
And that’s the real issue with Bailey, and a lot of people who go off on individuals in unexpected ways. They’re dealing with personal issues, whether it’s ones in their relationships, lack of employment or emotional scars never healed. Take that sh-t out on the treadmill, a punching bag, in a diary–but not out on me.
With all that being said, I try to operate on the side of being the bigger person. As my pastor instructed, sometimes it’s best just to step up and say sorry when you know you’ve caused someone some pain–even if you don’t fully understand how.
But then again, I usually only do all that for people I care about, and considering that these on-screen friendships go from good to bad in a flash, if I were Porsha, I would save that sorry. Because Bailey is the one who should be trying to make amends.