#RelationshipGoals: He Never Pays, I’ve Never Seen His Place, And All We Do Is Argue

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Continued from #RelationshipGoals: It’s Hard To Forgive Someone You’ve Just Started Dating

Kevin and I had a way of arguing that was an art form. His constant need to bicker made me feel like our relationship might not be worth the trouble. Arguing in relationships is tough because it’s going to happen, but if it’s way too frequent, you’re left questioning the relationship’s value. That’s exactly what happened with me and Kevin.

“Will you be my date to my friend’s wedding next weekend?” I asked, watching Kevin get dressed.

He raised an eyebrow, “I can do that.”

I smiled ear-to-ear, happy that I finally had a date to take to a wedding.

Kevin and I had been having a smoother time communicating than we had in the past. OK, who am I kidding–we just both started picking our battles with more discretion. Actually, I started shutting my mouth more. Not everything needed to be discussed.

The night that he chose not to introduce me to his little gal pal, he walked me home, took me to my bedroom and temporarily silenced my temper with his pelvic thrusts. It wasn’t enough, but I pretended that it was so that we could be good. I found myself doing that more often than not. I just wanted us to be good. Why put more bumps in the road over him not introducing me to the girl he ran into?

“Do you want me to come here to meet you and we go together?” Kevin asked.

In my mind, I thought, “Why can’t we go to your place?” But instead, I said, “Sure. We should be there by 8. So you should be here by 7.”

Kevin and I had been together (the second time around) for about three months. He’d never once invited me to his place. He never even brought it up. And when I would, he’d change the subject. And because I didn’t want to be a nag, I dropped it. “He’ll invite me in his own time,” I thought.

The day of the wedding came and excitedly, I got dressed, knowing I would be spending my evening surrounded by love and warm fuzzies. Too bad that’s not what happened.

Kevin showed up to my apartment at 8 pm, the time we were supposed to be there. Instead of being irritated, I made a joke about his lateness.

“I’ll call an Uber,” I said after kissing Kevin and snuggling into his chest, choosing not to be negative about his arrival time.

Kevin hated when I did anything that “wasted money.” He made a face.

“We’re late,” I said more to Kevin’s screwed up face than to him. Besides, I was paying for it and he didn’t even offer. Maybe because it was my friend’s wedding, he opted out of opening his wallet for anything. Usually, this is something that rubs me the wrong way in relationships. But Kevin and I had chemistry that was kismet. I wanted to hold tight until that chemistry blossomed into the kind of love I wanted — long-term.

The first time that Kevin and I dated two years ago, he had just lost his job, so our dating was limited. I tried to be understanding and I also didn’t want him to feel less-than, so I kept encouraging him (and paying for our dates).

Two years later, we’re back together and it’s the same story. Kevin’s pockets were never a part of the equation. Lunch was on me, dinner was at my house, with my groceries, and breakfast was whatever I could scrounge up in my kitchen because I refused to continue to spend money when he never offered. Again, I was trying to be understanding and not tear him down, but I was growing a little weary of everything always being on me.

Somehow, I’d given Uber the wrong address and we pulled up to a warehouse. “This doesn’t look right,” I said. I checked the address on my invite again where Kevin and I were standing. “Ugh, the address is Wykoff and we’re on Wythe!” I started to hail a cab.

Kevin shook his head, “Another cab?”

“Yes, we’re late and we’re in the wrong place,” I said hailing the cab.

Kevin sighed, “We are not going to get a cab here,” Kevin said walking away from me standing there with my arm up.

As a cab pulled up, I walked to it.

Kevin turned towards where I was about to hop into the cab and yelled, “Why won’t you listen to me?!”

I stopped short of the cab, turned towards him and reluctantly walked to him. (This was something I loved doing—walking to him, but not this time.) I sighed. “What’s the big deal? You said we wouldn’t catch a cab here, and there’s one and now it’s gone.”

“You second guess what I say and do whatever suits you,” Kevin said as if I knew about the argument we were in middle of, in his head.

Without responding, I walked behind him and let him lead me to the promised land of hailing a cab…his way. I just didn’t have the energy to respond.

It took us five minutes to hail a cab and inside of my head was nothing but snark, “We could have been in the cab I hailed on the street over.” I frowned and looked out the window. We sat in complete silence.

I think Kevin started to feel the tension because he gripped my thigh and squeezed it. I turned my face toward him and mustered up a smile that was somewhere between fake and satisfied that he broke the silence.

Kevin kissed me. Instead of voicing our frustrations about the cab drama, we both let it go. We arrived at the wedding reception and upon walking in, we were asked to snap some photos in the photo booth. I love a good photo booth, so I smiled and walked over to the booth, pulling Kevin. Kevin’s grasp felt heavy in mine as I pulled him towards the booth.

“No,” he said wriggling his hand out of mine. “I don’t want to take any pictures.”

“It’s a wedding! And my friend is a photographer. Come on, it’s only right!” I smiled.

Kevin’s face was straight, just like the emoiji, “I said no.”

The photo booth guy tried not to look at us in our mini melodrama. He smiled awkwardly.

“Please?” I asked, smiling at Kevin.

“See, you’re not listening. I said no. You always insist when it’s not the answer you want!” Kevin said, not breaking his gaze.

I walked to the booth, “You’re right. You always are.” I snapped a couple of photos and Kevin waited, looking on, annoyed.

We walked into the wedding with tension surrounding us. My friends happily greeted me, excited that they were getting to meet the infamous Kevin, who I couldn’t stop talking about. At that moment, I didn’t want to be anywhere near him.

I fake smiled, introducing him to people. As he made small talk, I loosened up, allowing myself to enjoy this pleasurable break in his fragile personality.

As we stood at a table, stuffing our faces with hors d’oeuvres, he grabbed my hand and lead me to the dance floor. “Let’s shake it off,” he smiled.

We danced for a few songs and I said, “I’m thirsty. You want a drink?”

“Yeah, get me a coke,” Kevin went to sit down.

I went to the bar, ordered a coke and considered a rum and coke for myself. Kevin broke our tension with dancing, would having a cocktail bring the tension back? Ugh, who cares, I’m at a wedding. “Rum and coke, please? Oh and could you put a lime in the rum and coke so I don’t mix them up?”

The bartender handed me the drinks as I requested and I started to walk towards Kevin. I looked down at the lime, took it out of the cup and handed Kevin the one without the rum. I sipped my drink. It was regular coke. My heart sank. I tried to sneak a cocktail and now Kevin was about to sip my rum and coke.

“Wait babe,” I said grabbing the cup before he sipped. “That’s mine.”

Kevin looked at me confused, “What’s the difference?”

“Mine has rum in it,” I grabbed the cup and sipped. “Yup. Sorry about that.”

Kevin frowned, but surprisingly didn’t argue.

The DJ announced that the wedding party had arrived. I stood up from the couch, asking Kevin to come with me so that we could get a good view of the wedding party.

“No, I’m good here. You go, enjoy,” He said, sitting the coke down without drinking it.

“I want to enjoy with you,” I said smiling, flirting. I grabbed his hand.

My friend Lauren walked up, “You guys aren’t coming?”

“Yeah I am. Kevin doesn’t want to,” I said, dropping his hand.

Kevin looked up at me with his mouth twisted, “Really?” He exclaimed more than he questioned.

“What? You said you don’t want to come!” I said, defending my response to Lauren.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” Kevin walked away.

Kevin had a bad habit of walking away from me when he didn’t want to deal with whatever we were going through. I’d grown accustomed to his temper tantrums.

“What was that about?” Lauren asked, genuinely confused.

“I am starting to think that we don’t need to be together, that’s what,” I said as the newlyweds danced their way into the room to Beyonce’s “Crazy In Love.”

The beautiful couple danced to their first song, “Cheerleader” by Omi and gave speeches. Kevin was still not back from the bathroom.

“Where’s Kevin?” Lauren asked.

“Girl, knowing him, he probably left,” I said joking, but mostly serious.

I turned around, searching for him. I spotted Kevin walking out. “There he is,” I said to Lauren. “I’ll be right back,” I walked to the door Kevin had just walked out of with my heart pounding.

Stay tuned next week to find out what happened when I Kevin tried to leave me at a wedding.

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