Giving Thanks: Why I’m Grateful God Didn’t Give Me Who And What I Thought I Wanted

November 25, 2015  |  


It’s the holiday season: a time to reflect, a time to give, and a time to say thank you. During my personal time of reflection and thanks, I realized that I must take a moment to thank God for not giving me what I wanted. Or at least, what I thought I wanted.

I had expectations of how I wanted my life to be. I wanted to get a bachelor’s degree (check), a master’s degree (check), travel the world (check), and start my own company (check). I also had the expectation that I would have my happily-ever-after moment by the time I was 30. But after reaching 32 without that happily ever after, I was left with questions: Why am I not married? Why don’t I have any kids? Am I riding the short bus of life?

Well, as I was reflecting, I became immensely intrigued and decided to conduct a bit of “research” if you will. What would my life be like if I had married any of my exes? To conduct this case study, I used good ol’ social media for evidence. I want to be clear — I do not want to use the evidence found to bash my exes in any way. At some point in my life I made the choice to date them and I take full ownership of it even in my lack of better judgment. I even prayed that they were the “one.” Snotted and cried when the relationship didn’t work, and even contemplated “What if?” many times over. I don’t care who you are, at some point you’ve been stupid in love too. I found four exes on social media whom I dated in high school and college. Today, they all are well, healthy, and vibrant based on their posts on social networks. I must say they have all gone on to be successful and should be commended.

For the sake of my research, the guiding question is as follows: What would my life be like if I ended up marrying any of my exes? Here’s what my research led me to find:

Ex #1 is married to a lovely woman and they have a beautiful son together. And yet, the moment I liked one of his family photos on Instagram, he slid in my DMs asking me if I was still a virgin and if we could we meet up.

Ex #2 is seemingly a straight man to the world. However, his liked photos pop up on my newsfeed, and it seems that he frequently likes half-naked and naked pictures of men. When rapper The Game posted a suggestive image of himself in the mirror in his boxer briefs a few weeks ago, my ex reposted it with a caption that read, “Whoa…”

Ex #3 is making strides in the political world. A good government job type of brother. He loves taking selfies and posting pictures of himself for #MCM and photos of scantily-clad women as his #WCW. He is definitely convinced he is God’s gift to the ladies.

Ex #4 is an avid churchgoer. A holy, hallowed be thy name, Holy-Ghost filled, Bible-toting, weed head. He has plenty of videos up of himself getting high and drinking codeine and Sprite mixtures. But he is very involved at his church. Kudos to him for that.

After reviewing the research from these four case studies, I immediately dropped to my knees and said, “THANK YOU GOD FOR NOT GIVING ME WHAT I THOUGHT I WANTED!” The answer to my guiding question is crystal clear: My life would be a mess.

Everything we think we want isn’t always what is best for us. Having expectations can help us set goals, but it’s important to leave room for the lessons in the disappointments. Everyone’s life path is different and unique. As long as you are living and walking your life’s designated path to the best of your ability and following your dreams, what you want will come at the right time.

This holiday season, as you celebrate life with your families, take a moment to thank the man upstairs for blocking the mess you thought was good for you and removing added stress in your life. Being grateful for the things you didn’t get is spiritual maturity at its finest.


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