Do You Avoid Dating Fine Men?

November 25, 2015  |  

A few weeks ago, Angie Stone told MadameNoire that she would never date a sex symbol again. During her exclusive interview, Stone revealed how she passed on the opportunity to date Idris Elba because she already experienced what it was like to be in a relationship with one man who was the object of everyone’s affection (D’Angelo) and that was enough. “I had my stint with one sex symbol in the world. And it was not the greatest of situations,” she said. “I didn’t want another headache like that. Idris is fine. Idris is a great actor. He’s rich and he’s famous. And for me, that was a bit much.”

Although some of us may not have the opportunity to meet or fall in love with celebrity sex symbols, we do, however, meet fine men in our day-to-day lives. Even better, we may get the chance to date these good-looking men but with that comes the disheartening question: “Am I pretty enough for him?” I asked myself this question when I started to get to know my boyfriend, Carter. We attended the same junior high school and in 7th grade I was immediately enamored by his hazel eyes and entertaining personality. I would leave my English class early just so I could catch a glimpse of him leaving his Social Studies class. I had it bad for Carter, but crushing on him was cut short when he told a mutual friend that he was not interested me, at all.

The rejection stung and once we graduated middle school, I would strategically avoid him around our Brooklyn neighborhood. Over the years, I put thoughts of Carter and our experience behind me but I would see his beautiful smile and cinnamon skin pop up on Myspace and, later, Facebook feeds. We eventually became Facebook friends while we were in college and exchanged numbers, but our conversations were always friendly and never romantic—until my last week of college.

It was a typical Friday night but because I was graduating, my friends and I decided to do a bar crawl until our legs and heads made us want to crawl back to our rooms. Because I was drunk, graduating, and feeling fearless I sent Carter a “Ms.Jackson If You Nasty” text and concluded it with a, “YOUre soooooooo f*cking FINE!!!” Surprisingly, Carter playfully replied back and from friendliness we graduated to flirtation. But because I questioned if Carter could ever be interested in me, I found myself trying to hook him up with one of my friends. He dismissed me playing cupid for him and would continuously show that he was interested in me but I made up my mind that he was just a flirtatious person and not serious. Our cat and mouse game lasted for six months until I hired Carter to DJ for my birthday party and from that night on we’ve been inseparable.

I decided to continue our relationship because Carter has and continues to sharpen who I am as a person. Besides my parents, he is the only person who sees me as an invincible winner. And although he has not been a headache for me, the  problems  we’ve encountered have humbled us to work on our individual development. I’ve learned that many of our issues were based on the perception I had of me. I didn’t think I was ugly when we entered our relationship but I believed Carter would never pursue a girl my complexion or with my hair length. To be honest, prior to falling in love with him, I believed Carter to still be the 12 year old who rejected me before homeroom started. Because of that, I wasted a lot of time toiling between his true character and my negative perception. Now that I am more mature, I’ve learned to stop fighting with my guard up and be okay with our relationship. By focusing on my own confidence and not tracking his timeline, decisions and feelings like the FBI, I’ve gained more personal security. This allowed me to be more open to learning about Carter and his personhood. Because of this, our love has become safest space we know.

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