15 Hilarious Thoughts A Groom Has On His Wedding Day

November 23, 2015  |  
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We made a list of funny things brides think just before their wedding, but what are their grooms thinking — besides how hungover they are from the bachelor party, of course. Here are 15 hilarious thoughts grooms have on their wedding day.

Our daughter isn’t having a wedding like this

Yeah, this $50,000 extravaganza my bride got her dad to shell out for—our kid is not getting that! Backyard BBQ for her.

Finally, less wedding talk

This is the last day of about 400 days that I need to talk about the wedding. Okay, I guess we can talk about it for a month after.

I’m going to get so drunk on our honeymoon

Hey, it’s still my vacation days!

I’ll re-wear this tux

I’m so re-wearing this tuxedo to all of my friend’s weddings. I didn’t spend $400 to put it away like a piece of memorabilia.

Why can’t I have a burger?

It’s too bad a bacon cheeseburger or chorizo nachos isn’t an acceptable menu choice for a wedding. I’m not actually craving Halibut.

When do I get to go to the bar?

Can I walk right over to it after we say our vows? Or is that too soon?

Facebook is going to explode

People are going to post so many more pictures of this online than I want them to. Pictures in black and white of me looking my bride in the eyes OH GOD.

It’s all wine to me

Did we really spend an extra $11 a bottle on this “nice” wine? It doesn’t taste that special. And all that fuss about pink or fuchsia table clothes…I don’t see the difference!

Oh. She looks like a bride. Cool

A bride doesn’t look magically transformed to her man on her wedding day, no matter how muck makeup is involved. She looks like herself, in a wedding dress.

Are any of her exes here?

I wonder if any douchebags are in the audience, snickering at the fact that they slept with her once.

This guy talks slowly

Whoever conducts the ceremony speaks very, very slowly. I might die up here.

I hope my friends behave

I know my friends like to get twisted and do too much when they get away from the kids. I hope they don’t do that today.

But I also hope my friends are having fun

On a side note, I hope they all brought flasks and are finding a way to have the time of their lives. I know it wasn’t cheap for them to be here!

Was I supposed to prepare special sex stuff?

Hmmm. We don’t usually get into like tying each other up or something, but is wedding night sex supposed to be different?

This is kind of amazing

Every guy surprises himself by getting teary eyed at the alter, and totally losing it when the audience stands and throws rice on the couple as they walk down the isle.

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