I love the internet. It exposes the idiosyncrasies and crazy behavior people pretend doesn’t infiltrate their lives. For example, a woman wrote a hilarious article on XOJane, titled, My Boyfriend Caught Me Talking to Other Men On Tinder, Even Though I Swear I Was Just Entertaining Myself.
In the piece, the anonymous girlfriend detailed why she downloaded the infamous hookup app single millennial women love to use and bash. “It’s a great time-filler: swipe left on 20 suitors while you wait for the bus. Can’t sleep? See if there’s any fresh meat in your area,” Anonymous GF explained. She continued by sharing how not using the dating app made her feel like she was diagnosed with FOMO (fear of missing out), “Not being on Tinder, when all my friends were talking about it, felt like not being on Whatsapp: it was a foreign language I hadn’t conquered in time to fully comprehend it, and now I was screwed.” Anonymous GF revealed to her boyfriend of her left and right swiping pictures activity at brunch, while their mutual friend was present.
As she casually laughed off why she was on Tinder and tried to conveniently distract her boyfriend with funny stories of the bizarre pictures and write-ups people decorated their profile with, he managed to enter her Tinder DMs. What he saw wasn’t pretty, as our protagonist was easily dipping in and out of other men’s DMs making casual conversation. No matter how innocent her chat threads were, Anonymous GF’s boyfriend was upset to find her talking to other men behind his back. “I guess something snapped in his head (rightly so) when I joked about messaging these strangers ON A DATING APP. And he wasn’t pleased with what he saw. The other messages I sent were nowhere near as bad as the “proper fit” ones, but I guess your girlfriend chatting to any guys online isn’t ideal especially when it’s on an app renowned for hook-up potential.”
She continued by comparing chatting with people online to chatting with robots, further covering up her indiscretions: “Online is so unreal, akin to chatting to a bot to pass time, I never thought about how my boyfriend might feel. Or how I’d feel if he’d been on Tinder the previous night telling random girls they were fit.” The Anonymous GF closed her piece by sharing with readers that she deleted her Tinder app and, interestingly enough, her boyfriend decided to stay with her — although he often passively reminds her of the faulty judgment she used when she was on the app.
Like most of her readers, I was heavily side-eyeing Anonymous GF because she was emotionally cheating on her boyfriend. Though there were a series of complaints that focused on something completely different from the topic at hand, most men were upset about the Anonymous GF’s lack of integrity towards the male users of Tinder, not her boyfriend. They believed she was wasting men’s time, swipes and had some nerve being on Tinder when she wasn’t going to date any of them in the first place. Women promptly responded to these claims with a big “F*** You!” and “Guys on Tinder deserve it because they are douches.” The latter statement is something I hear regularly from friends and cousins.
Although I try not to prescribe to the “guys are douches” ideology, the comments under the article made me realize how some of the male users of Tinder feel entitled to a woman’s attention and time, no matter her relationship status. Hence the reason why many women don’t give an eff about men on Tinder; one friend put it simply:
“Tinder is like just about everything else that lets people say what they want.The nature of it is like a video game. It’s something people do in line at the grocery store. So it’s full of people who want pen pals or just got out of relationships and don’t know what to do. [Also], men tend to just say yes to everyone. So one woman can have 143 matches but when you message them, they change their mind and unmatch. So in reality, you will only have three potential dates out of your 143 matches.”
When men act as though dating is a long session of Monopoly and then complain about the perils of it, women automatically turn on their “Negro, please” switch and don’t necessarily mind when men receive a dose of their own medicine. But is that right?
We know Anonymous GF was wrong for the way she treated her boyfriend, but how about the men of Tinder? I’m sure they wouldn’t want their potential girlfriend chatting with several guys on a dating app but in this millennial age, anything is possible.
Should the men on Tinder who were conned by the Anonymous GF feel some type of way? Weigh in, below.