How To Move On After Being Cheated On

October 8, 2015  |  
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 Do you want to know what the worst thing is about being cheated on? There are a lot of awful things about it but the truly worst is this: somebody else’s actions can screw up your life forever. That is…if you let it. Being cheated on causes a wound that runs pretty deep. Like any wound, if you don’t treat it right, it gets infected and spreads. Translation: one incident of cheating can ruin all of your future relationships. If you want to love again, you have to know how to move on in a healthy way after being cheated on.
Be totally shattered

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Be totally shattered

Like with anything painful in life, the only way through the pain is through it. Cry a ton. Be depressed. Stay in bed. Let yourself feel every terrible feeling. Don’t try to avoid it with alcohol or impulse shopping or sex with strangers. Don’t run from it—run through it.

Why it’s important?

Unfortunately, pain is like gas–it’s coming out, one way or another. It’s best if you control the way it comes out. If you feel the pain now, you won’t end up suddenly freaking out on a totally loyal boyfriend in the future, or having a meltdown in a job interview because your interviewer mentions she’s divorced. The pain isn’t going anywhere, so you may as well handle it now when you have some control over it.

Ask friends for some advice

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See friends a lot

After being devastated, you’re going to start to tell yourself, “If I had only done this one thing differently, he never would have cheated on me.” You may even start to tell yourself the cheating happened because you’re not good enough. Keep lots of friends around you and on speed dial at this time.

Why it’s important?

They’ll talk you down from this insanity. You’re too weak from the pain right now to talk yourself out of your crazy thoughts. You’re too weak to tell yourself, “It’s never just one thing that causes cheating. Cheating is a symptom of a relationship that was wrong for a long time.” But your friends will remind you. And they’ll remind you that cheating is never personal—it had nothing to do with how pretty or smart or fun you are.

Then, spend time alon

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Then, spend time alone

Don’t accept date invitations. Don’t hang out at places where you know you’ll be hit on. Don’t respond to guys trying to holler at you on Facebook. Don’t give into the temptation to text an ex. Be alone. Do a cleanse from men.

Why it’s important

You’re very vulnerable right now. You can’t afford to put your feelings of self-worth in the hands of a man. Leave that up to your best friends, your family and yourself. If a guy sleeps with you and stops calling you, or turns you down, you won’t survive that kind of rejection right now. You’re still weak.

Let yourself miss the person

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Let yourself miss the person

Regardless of the fact that this person cheated on you, you had a lot of other really good times together. No matter how much he screwed up, you’re going to miss him. Once you’ve gone through the pain, you’ll start missing waking up next to him and going to the movies with him. Let yourself miss him. Don’t get angry with yourself for it.

Why it’s important?

It’s common to get angry with yourself for missing somebody who hurt you. But missing him is the second part of the pain. When you’re cheated on, the breakup is broken up into two parts: 1) Getting over the cheating and 2) Getting over the person. This is the second part. Let yourself mourne the relationship, even if it ended in a really sh-tty way.

Reflect on the issues

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Reflect on the issues

You should be a little calmer now. You’re ready to reflect on the issues in that relationship (aside from the cheating). Ask yourself why you two were not compatible, where you communication tended to fall apart, and what you’ve learned.

Why it’s important

It’s tempting to just write the whole thing off as, “Well he was a butthole and that’s why that relationship ended.” But there were other issues that led up to the cheating. If you disregard those, you run the risk of ending up in a similar relationship again.

Be pissed

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Be pissed

By all means, get really angry. Write the guy the nastiest letter you can think of. Scream. Yell. Listen to grunge music. Buy a punching bag.

 

Why it’s important?

Oh yeah, anger is like gas, too. It’s going to come out some way. You can try to play all zen about this, but that’s a lie. You’ll end up with an ulcer or constipated or just perpetually bitter. Don’t get constipated; get pissed.

Go have a blast

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Go have a blast

You’re going to feel pretty good after getting all of that anger out. It will feel like a weight has been lifted. You’ll feel empowered. Get dressed and go out! Go to one of those bars where guys will hit on you—you know the ones you weren’t supposed to go to in step 3. You can go there now.

Why it’s important

This is the perfect time to ramp up your confidence again. You’ve gone through the proper stages to feel strong enough to flirt and date again. You deserve to be reminded what a catch you are, but you’re stable enough to not give a damn if a guy turns you down.

Forgive, but don’t forget

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Forgive, but don’t forget

It’s one of the most frustrating parts but you have to forgive the guy. Forgiving the cheater is the only chance you have at happy, future relationships with other people. Nobody wants to date somebody who is still angry about an ex.

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