Born Again Virgin Chronicles: 4 Lessons I Learned From 8 Years Of Celibacy
As we all know, dating is a journey filled with ups, downs, twists and turns. It can leave you heartbroken or empowered depending on your personal experience, but through it all, it’s an amazing time in a person’s life while on the search for true love. My journey in particular has been quite a different experience because of my vow to practice celibacy, which has taught me many valuable lessons along the way.
For starters, I’ve learned just how important sex is in a relationship and how valuable it is to men. Before I took my vow I knew that having sex satisfied physical attraction and created a bond between two people. However, what I failed to realize is that for many men (or at least the ones I’ve been involved with) sex is pretty much an automatic expectation. While I can respect this notion because everyone has their own expectations and ideals of what they want in a relationship, and they should go after it, I was baffled at how men would almost instantly forfeit the possibility of having a great relationship with someone just because they weren’t going to have sex. Go figure, huh?
There’s an old saying that goes “you never know how strong you are until you have to be.” Throughout this journey of celibacy I’ve learned that I have more will power than I thought. I’ve been able to sustain my commitment, and I know that strength and will came from God. As you all know, there were many times when I almost gave in to the temptations of sex to satisfy my physical and emotional needs. Remember that encounter with my high school sweetheart? Resisting each time was harder than the previous because my sexual needs and desires weren’t being fulfilled. After all, I’m only human, right?
Not only that, but it was difficult dealing with rejection from men and struggling with thoughts of being alone, which raced frequently through my mind, all because I would not have sex. Quite often I wonder how many more times I will get rejected from a man’s affections. Or how much more of it will my heart be able to stand before I completely throw in the towel on relationships and love. I then remember that it doesn’t matter if I give myself to every man I meet or not. If he wants to be with me, then he will be with me no matter what. Not only that, I remember why I made the commitment and who I made it to. I’m grateful for the divine strength that runs through my being because without it, I would have given in by now.
Another lesson I’ve learned is how to be confident in my walk in celibacy. When I think back on each time I revealed the news to a guy I was so nervous. While I had high hopes in my mind of not being rejected because of my choice, deep down I already knew what the outcome would be each time. And yes it hurt each time, but with every rejection I became stronger in my dedication; I knew then and fully understand now that there is a huge blessing in being obedient in this way. Although I am more confident in my decision now than I was eight years ago, I’ll admit that I still struggle every now and then, but I get through it.
While practicing celibacy is one of the most difficult decisions I’ve had to make in regard to my relationships, it was one of the best and has made me even wiser. It’s taught me to value sex, myself and how to get to know a person for who they are without the emotional complications of sex. As I continue on this path, I look forward to the many lessons I will come across to continue my personal growth and pass along to others.
Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? a motivational speaker, and an advocate for single women who encourages them to live their best single life God’s way! Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin and ask her anything you want to know about her journey though celibacy.