10 Things That Shouldn’t Be On Next Year’s BET Awards

June 27, 2011  |  
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While there were some really bright spots in last night’s BET Awards, unless I was looking at the wrong channel, the show as a whole was underwhelming.  Some of the performances were dope (we see you Kelly!), others, a tad bit too dry for my liking. There was less opportunities it seemed to give out awards, and when they did, they were saying the wrong winners. But you can only grow from your missteps. So BET, here’s a list of things we’d like you to keep in mind for next year’s show, because seeing them once was enough…

Draws, Panties and More Undergarments
After viewing an array of boxers and briefs of all colors and styles last night, you would have thought Hanes was sponsoring the BET Awards. Never have I been more sick (literally) and tired of seeing grown men parade around with their boxer-bedecked behinds out for the world to see. And no, having a belt on doesn’t help the situation at all, especially when your pants are still sitting around your thighs (ahem, Big Sean…). Lil Wayne, Ace Hood, Big Sean, Trey Songz and even Beyoncé (who shimmied crotch first into the camera in black briefs) had their undergarments exposed to the world, or the small number of people who watched, and I don’t know who told them it was cute or cool, but it’s sooooo not. Do better.

Debra Lee
I know, I know, Debra Lee writes all the checks. She’s the big lady on campus, whatever, whatever. But what I don’t get is why this woman with all this power, clout and money can’t seem to find a stylist for these awards shows??? Every year, Lee comes out in some kind of combination that totally prevents you from paying an ounce of attention to her short speeches. Instead, you’re staring at a dress better suited for a Broadway show, or yesterday’s ensemble that resembled a skirt reverted into a dress that got rained on (I know I wasn’t the only one confused by all those spots!). I like Debra Lee as much as the next person, but girlfriend needs to use that same business sense that’s propelled her so far and get a similar fashion sense. Cause this? This right here? This isn’t working for me…

Taped Performances
I think taped performances are a prime example of an artist trying to do too much at one time. For a specific example, check out Beyoncé’s presentation of “End of Time” and “Best Thing I Never Had” at last night’s show. While the awards were done in LA, Queen B was all the way in England for the annual Glastonbury Music Festival. While her performance was good, nothing to get too crunk about though, I could only imagine how bored the folks in the Shrine Auditorium who paid money for tickets were while watching someone on a screen, thousands of miles away, entertaining another crowd. Seriously, if you can’t be in the vicinity during the awards show, why bother? And to close out the show at that? Two for one is not always the best option B…

Rick Ross’ Boobs
Big man, big man, please put your breast in a shirt and keep them in there! I’ve seen Rick Ross’ chesticles many a time, but there’s something extremely gross about watching those big, round things, covered in tattoos, bouncing up and down as he moseyed along down the stage more than once. I’m a big fan and all, but he’s GOT to spare us the sight of his silver dollar-sized areolas. I mean, it was a family show! Oh, it wasn’t? Nevermind…

Kelly Rowland’s Hat
Last time I checked, Kelly Rowland was gorgeous. So why was she trying to go all incognito last night during her big performance of “Motivation”? Girlfriend killed! But who knows, maybe she was trying to go for a Janet Jackson type look, keeping it covered and cool, but honestly, you could barely see her face at all. My friend kept commenting throughout the performance that it might not actually be Rowland (it was, we think…), and we were hoping she would rip that church hat off and turn the place out. Turn it out she did, but that hat stayed on. Let’s just blame it on a bad hair day…

Alicia Keys Hair
It’s definitely nice to see A.Keys getting back behind her piano and showing out as she did last night, running through a medley of hits from her classic “Songs in A Minor” album, as well as a new track called “Typewriter.” All that was cool. But what I want to know is why her hair looked like she got in a fight before coming on stage? The huge, chunky braid, paired with some smoky eye makeup gave Keys not the elegant look we’re used to seeing on her, but dare I say, a grungy look. We’re sure she’ll come back next year looking fab, but last night, she should have worn that hat Kelly Rowland was hiding under.

Creepy Duets
I’m all for old-school music being brought to the new generation to enjoy. Folks don’t know what they’re missing. And when Rick James, thrust back into pop culture popularity with the help of Chapelle’s Show, popped up during a break in the 2004 show to sing “Fire and Desire” alongside Teena Marie, I was pleasantly surprised, as were many others. But last night’s duet of Alexander O’Neal and Cherrelle was just off. The two sang their hit, “Saturday Love,” but were given no proper introduction, so if you couldn’t tell who they were from jump, you were probably as lost as my viewing party was. There was confusion as to whether or not O’Neal still had the top row of his teeth, discussion of Cherelle looking like a Braxton relative, and turned stomaches over that awkward and uncomfortable kiss at the end. All this before we knew who they were, and we had to do the research on our own to figure it out. In the future BET, lets not assume that viewers know who or what’s going on cause that was a mess.

The Same People on Stage Multiple Times
This happens every year on the BET awards. Whoever has the most features of the year pops up to grace us with with their presence again, and again, and again, but I know I’m not the only one who wants to tell them to sit down! Chris Brown is a great performer, Rick Ross has an awesome voice, and Lil’ Wayne…well, he’s just Weezy, but too many doses of these folks last night had me nauseated. Especially when Ross opened his shirt twice (see number 7), and Lil’ Wayne had his draws on full display (see number 10). And is it just me, or are the people who get to perform multiple times always doing the absolute most, or the absolute least when trying to entertain us?

Tributes Done By the Wrong People
The Lifetime Achievement Award part is probably the best part of the show, hands down. I love watching the old clips of supremely talented folk like Al Green, Prince and Patti Labelle (as was the case last night) in their heyday, and watching them get their just due. The covers are always nice too. That is, if you get the right people to do them. With that said, I don’t know what we were watching last night, but it was agreed that the performances done in honor of Patti, were some of the worst in years. Marsha Ambrosius did her thing, and Shirley Caesar did pretty good, though her voice may have not been the best fit (same goes for that dress), but Cee Lo? What was that!? His take on “Somebody Loves You,” dressed in a Labelle-esque wig with a can of spray to match, was ALL over the place. It started off funny, then quickly went downhill, as he did more sauntering around joking with people than singing (which he can do so well). And he cursed in the middle of the performance for what seemed to be no apparent reason. Uh, thanks for trying, but no thanks.

Teleprompter Errors
Most awards shows and televised events can count themselves lucky if they can go on without an error, a wardrobe malfunction or just a full, blown out controversial moment. And unfortunately, last night’s show didn’t go off scott free, and it’s error was one of the most awkward ones I’ve seen since the whole Yeezy vs. Taylor Swift moment at the 2009 VMAs. Supposed “super fan” Tiffany Green had the harrowing task of getting up in front of thousands of people and some of the biggest names in the industry  to present the Viewers’ Choice Award award. While she could have crumbled, girlfriend was cool, calm and collected as she talked about the award and got ready to present the winner. That was until she read the wrong winner. And the mix up would be between Chris Brown, Rihanna and Drake. Yikes! Totally not her fault, but word is, Green was devastated by the mix up. And who wouldn’t be upset? That was her moment to shine, and it turned into an embarrassment that’ll probably be discussed for days. But this incident was just an example of one of the many things that needs to be upgraded and prevented by BET execs if they want folks to tune into next year’s show. Let’s all say it together: “Do Better.”

What moments from last nights show could you have lived without?

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