Things I Wish I’d Known Before Having Lots Of Sex

September 24, 2015  |  
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Some might say the human being lives and breathes for sex—that everything we do, is for sex. If we’re nice to someone it’s because somewhere, somehow, it’s going to get us sex. If we work hard at something—sex. I don’t know if I’d go so far as to say that, but I will say you’ll spend a lot of time, concern, energy and even money on sex in your lifetime. Here are some things I wish I’d known before having tons of sex that would have saved me all of the above.

 

Your bed carries memories

Try to keep the sex at his place until you know this is something serious. Your bed will carry the ghosts of hook-ups gone wrong.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Actually, everything carries memories

From the dress you were wearing to the food you ate that night. Make sure not to wear a dress you love or eat your favorite food with a guy until you know he’ll treat you right. Some men ruined mac n’ cheese for me.

 

The “special” condoms feel weird

Ribbed ones make you feel odd, rubber ridges in you. Fire and ice ones make you feel like you’re developing a UTI during sex. Most special condoms are a waste of your time, and money! Stick to the ones that are just natural feeling.

 

Gyno visits are a pain

There are co-pays and long waiting times and uncomfortable prongs stuck up inside of you. If you have lots of partners, you end up at the gynecologist a lot. It gets annoying.

 

 

 

Blowjobs set a precedence

If you give a new guy you are dating a blowjob until completion, he’s going to expect that weekly. If you’re not really a pro at it, or don’t really enjoy it, don’t set the precedent.

 

 

 

 

 

HPV is SO rampant

Most people know this now, but when I was a teen, I figured so long as you wore a condom, you were safe. I had no idea that HPV hangs out on the skin around your genitals, and how many dangerous strains there were.

 

 

Your partner may want to know your number

Honestly, if your partner is judgmental of your number, kick him to the curb. That being said, if you have a lot of sex that you could take or leave—you’re just drunk or bored—just ask it if it’s worth it to keep building your number up.

Men don’t care about lingerie

Oh the money I could have saved if I’d only known that men do not take even one glance at your lingerie.

 

 

 

 

 

 

You run into people

Oh yeah, speaking of having sex because you’re drunk or bored, if you do that in your hometown don’t forget you run into people. Like those people you slept with. While you’re out with your now-fiance.

 

 

 

Not everybody likes crazy stuff

After experiencing a couple of guys who are into things like handcuffs, you might think all guys are into that. And you might leave a lot of guys scared of you.

 

 

 

 

 

Lube changes everything

It reduces chafing and the amount of time you have to spend on foreplay—if you’re not into foreplay, that is.

 

 

 

 

Lube gets on everything

Be sure to wash your hands with a grease-cutting soap (like the kind you use for dishes) after using lube. Once that stuff gets on a door handle it takes a long time to come off. And it weirds out your guests.

 

 

 

 

Everybody likes the side position

Don’t waste your time with positions that are hard on your knees because you think they make you look hot. Everyone wins when you’re on your side, sort of in a propped up spoon.

 

Don’t hesitate to orgasm

If you know how to make yourself orgasm, but you’re afraid to do it too soon because you think he will feel rushed; don’t be. He’s waiting for you. He’s been ready to finish since about 20 seconds into intercourse. How many times have you waited, only to have him finish first and leave you hanging? Exactly.

Sex creates false connections

I really wish I had known that when a woman has sex with a man (particularly when she orgasms) she releases hormones that make her feel attached to him. I got briefly attached to some real pieces of work for no reason at all.

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