“Was I Not Expected To Move On With My Life?” On Ne-Yo And Men Moving On Fast

September 2, 2015  |  

In an unexpected Instagram post over the weekend (and follow up tweets to clear up ensuing confusion), singer Ne-Yo announced that he is engaged, not married as initially thought, to a young woman named Crystal Renay.  The surprise doesn’t stop there.  Ne-Yo and his soon-to-be wife are expecting their first child, which will be Ne-Yo’s third altogether.  This is shocking news to some, considering the fact that Ne-Yo’s ex-fiancée, Monyetta Shaw, got her tubes tied in 2013, a mutual decision made for the then couple.  Shaw shared her story and spilled some tea on VH1’s Atlanta Exes, which left a lot of people feeling some kind of way about the singer.

As for his pending nuptials to Crystal, whom he has been in a relationship with for over a year, Ne-Yo was quick to silence any potential haters with the hashtag #BeHappyForMyHappyOrJustBeQuiet.  But it wasn’t enough to keep fellow Instagrammers from calling him a jerk (I’m paraphrasing here, they used much harsher language) and insisting that karma will come his way.  “Was I not expected to move on with my life?” Ne-Yo posited.  Allow me to take the mic on this one.

Save for a few obvious Lawry’s (salty haters), no one can and should knock a couple bringing a life into this world.  That’s wonderful news and it’s exciting when people find true, romantic love.  Still, it seems that people are more so questioning the circumstances surrounding Ne-Yo’s engagement.  But the question on my mind, which I also saw posed on Twitter, is what makes a man move on to another woman so quickly?  Is it a fear of being alone?  A desire to cover up or ignore one’s feelings?  To fill a void? Or have they truly just found love again at warp speed?

It’s a question I still haven’t been able to answer.  My ex-boyfriend was engaged three short months after we broke up.  A definite slap in the face, I couldn’t fathom how he had not only fallen in love with another woman in no time flat, but made the decision to spend forever and ever, Amen, with her.  Especially when he claimed he had never really thought about marriage.  Hmm.

I’ve heard and read countless stories about men who pop the question and walk down the aisle five seconds after calling it quits with another woman.  Yes, five whole seconds.  What an unbearable, tortuous lifetime.  And while I don’t have any statistics on the matter (how about doing a “study” on that?), something in my gut tells me that a majority of women, at least compared to men, aren’t hopping to the next man, or rather, into a serious, committed relationship, that fast.

We can argue the appropriate amount of time people should wait before moving on ad nauseam.  All I know is that I was still dealing with the emotional repercussions of my breakup when I learned from a friend that my ex was engaged.  Never mind the fact that our split was amicable, I was still in the process of wondering whether it was the right decision.  But his news left no room or hope for reconciliation.  I wanted to know that I mattered to him, that our time together meant something.  I began to question his feelings for me, whether he truly cared or loved me like he said he did.  I also wondered whether he was seeing this woman the same time he was with me.  Clearly, his pending nuptials served a crushing blow to both my heart and ego.  But my ego I could silence.  It was my heart that wouldn’t go as quietly.

Friends tried to assuage me in ways that only friends can.  “You’re better off without him.”  “They won’t last.”  “You dodged a bullet.”  But as is oft the case, it was time that healed the wounds. I, of course, was able to move on.  Just, not down the aisle.  Not yet, anyway.

So, I guess we move on when we’re ready to move on, at our own pace, as Ne-Yo tried to state in his Instagram post.  That’s a timeline only we can decide and if we’re smart about the whole process, there’s healing and reflection involved. If we’re not, we could be running head first into more heartbreak.

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