Your Partner’s Friends aren’t Your Real Friends

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Way back when in college, my then-sweetheart and I together amassed a decent network of friends, mostly consisting of her sorority sisters and my partners. Though we had our requisite boys’ and girls’ nights out, we did movies, concerts, dinners, haunted houses and such as a crew.

With no serious effort on my part, I became closer to some of her friends then she did mine, to the point where we would have “separate” friendships that didn’t entirely involve her. They were completely innocent: for example, if someone had male problems and needed a male perspective, they would hit me up.

It bugged her to the point where she would comment on it from time to time. But because she trusted me and knew there were no shady goings-on, she didn’t put her foot down on the issue.

When she and I finally severed all contact – years after our actual breakup – some of those friends of hers also disappeared, admitting that they had to peace out with no hard feelings toward me. Same thing happened with my last girlfriend: we broke up, and her friends and relatives vanished from my Facebook friends list. Some of her people with whom I would have grabbed a beer even if she weren’t around are now in the wind.

None of this, however, surprised or offended me. I’ve always been perfectly aware that they were never true friends bearing allegiance akin to my actual friends. Yet there are people out there who know no better…operating under the impression that the friends and family of their significant other will forever be loyal to both parties, even in the case of a breakup.


Your “friendship” is most likely tenuous and somewhat disingenuous with these people. They might love you to tears when you’re making their loved ones happy, but the  “bros before hos, blood is thicker than water” is applicable when things go south. I think very highly of my closest friend’s partners, but if one of them ever hit me up with, “That Itchbay is crazy, don’t ever speak to her again,” I’m not going to bother with her side of the story.

I’m sure there are instances in which your partner’s people know that they’re completely in the wrong or a psycho hosebag in general, in which case they might defend you. But I’m convinced that doesn’t happen too often with loyal friends and family.

Bear this in mind anytime you are thinking of confiding in them about anything you don’t want your partner to know. Find your own friends to vent with or confide in, and take your “friends once removed” for a grain of salt. Anything else could set you up for disappointment. Or trouble.




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