Throw These Things Out When Moving In With Your Boyfriend

August 20, 2015  |  
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Whether they weird men out, gross them out, make them insecure or just confuse them, these items have to go out the door when you’re moving in with your boyfriend. Well, you should at least hide them.

 

Your reusable vagina razor

You might have your good old faithful va-jay-jay razor that you invested $25 in, but that thing has to go. Your partner doesn’t want to see your stray pubes, sticking out of those rusty blades, in his face in the shower.

Period panties

You probably have a dozen “period panties”— panties that have holes in them and are tattered with old set-in stains, but you keep them around for when you’re on your period. Those things look nasty and you know it. At least hide them under the cute ones in your panty drawer.

Your sex toys

If you have a dildo that would put your man’s member to shame, lock that up in a vault. If he sees it, he’ll have insecurity issues for months. Maybe even years.

 

Those college photo albums

You know the ones where you flashed a crowd in a New Orleans bar for some beads? Yeah. Hide those.

Breast petals

These are magical. They make your boobs look bigger, and they allow you to try those backless shirts you love. But men just don’t know what to make of these sticky blobs that look like raw chicken.

Old love letters

Hey, a lot of people keep old love letters from their youth. They’re beautiful. But your partner doesn’t want to read or even see those notes written for other men.

 

 

 

Mustache wax

This you will have to keep, but hide very, very well. Either that or you can just come clean to your guy and handle your facial hair together. Fun couple’s activity?

 

Your search history

I’m into some weird porn. Like, the type that would make my boyfriend wonder if I need to see a therapist. But I don’t! Liking weird porn is, well, not weird. But your boyfriend might think it is so clear that browser history.

Your laxatives

Women, in general, are more aware of their digestive tract and bowel issues. We’re more likely to have laxatives. It’s not a big deal. But if a guy sees that you use them, he might think you have some sort of problem or addiction. My boyfriend thought that when he saw mine!

Your dirty bed tray

When you were single, you had dinner in bed. No big deal. You got a little table or tray for your bed meals. Again, no big deal. But your partner doesn’t need to see the dried marinara sauce permanently crusted on that old thing. Dump it.

Your stuffed animals

How old are we? You don’t have to toss them out, but your boyfriend doesn’t want a stuffed, smelly teddy bear with matted hair on the bed.

 

 

Your vagina pillow

You know what I’m talking about—that pillow you put between your knees for support. But you sleep naked. So your naked vagina touches that thing. Do you want your man putting his face on it?

 

 

Your backup pregnancy tests

You keep a box around so that should you fear you’re pregnant, you don’t have to drive to the store to get one while riddled with anxiety. If your boyfriend finds this box, he’ll be convinced you have some big news to share.

Your Magnum condoms

You had a very well-endowed partner back in the day. You couldn’t bring yourself to throw out the mega pack of Magnum condoms. You have to now. These will throw your average-sized boyfriend into an insecure spiral.

Your shapewear

You obviously have to keep this stuff—it’s magical—but maybe don’t pile it up in an open drawer like you used to. Keep a little mystery as to how you get that itty, bitty waist.

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