Ask a Very Smart Brotha: Conflicted Christians and Eager Undergrads
Dear Very Smart Brotha,
I was dating a guy for awhile. We had some deep conversations of our past and he never judged me. When he confided in me of some addictions he had and how he was a practicing Muslim. I listened and didn’t judge him either. Knew the only one to judge was God. Things were great until one day he told me that I was neither a friend or a girlfriend and that hurt so much. I didn’t talk to him for a few days. That is when he asked what was wrong. I told him I was hurt by what he said on how he saw me as nothing to him. He laughed and explained it was just a joke. I was furious. I told him that it was a bad joke and we ended it right there. A few weeks after he contacted me and wanted to see me because he missed me. I told him after some deep thought that his addictions were hard to accept since I dealt with them from a previous relationship and I felt that with my religion being Christian it would be hard for us to be together. He laughed and said that all that was a joke and cant believe that I fell for it. We stopped talking and I moved on. Well he contacted me again apologized to me, saying he missed me and wants me back that he will never joke like that again. Part of me wants to move on some of me wants to see if he is willing to change. What do I do? Everyone says to forget him and how Id be crazy if I went back to him. Wondering?
Dear Conflicted Christian,
Connie (Can I call you “Connie?” “Conflicted Christian” is too long), I don’t mean to be a package. I really don’t. But, I have to tell you that while I was reading your letter, all I could think about was the “What’s wrong with this picture?” illustrations they run in Highlights Magazine for Children. In the case of your question, everywhere I looked, I noticed a giant red flag peeking at me from a tree or hiding behind a barn. So far I’ve counted seven of them, but I’m not wearing my glasses so their might even be more. Anyway, since we’re pressed for time and space, I’ll only address two of them.
First — and this is addressed to anyone who’s ever formed their mouth to utter this God-awful phrase — “Only God can judge” makes about as much sense as…well, nothing makes less sense than that. There’s no analogy that full captures how wrong it is to feel that way. While it’s true that only God can decide whether you’re getting into Heaven or Paradise or The Ole Country Buffet or wherever the hell you go after you die, while we’re here on Earth, it’s one of our earthly duties to judge, critique, assess and evaluate the behavior of other humans. So please, Connie, retire that stupid-A$$ statement and judge away.
And, about your play boyfriend, there is absolutely nothing in the letter that suggests that you should even consider pursing a relationship with him. Between his “addictions” (I’m kind of disturbed that you wrote addictions plural, like this dude has an addictions dartboard in his den and decides to become addicted to whatever the dart lands on that week), his awful sense of humor, your thin skin and the whole religion thing, you two don’t sound very compatible. I suggest you cut your losses now before you become a permanent punchline.
Damon Young (aka The Champ)