Born Again Virgin Chronicles: Why I Started Practicing Celibacy
There’s a lot to be said about a person, or a couple who decides to walk away from the normal routine of engaging in sexual intimacy in relationships and decides to practice celibacy. With all of the temptations through song lyrics, movies, television, and of course the all mighty Internet it’s easy to fall prey to sexual temptations. A few years ago, I made the unconscious choice to practice celibacy. I say unconscious because I hadn’t been actively dating anyone, and I’ve never been the type to randomly sleep around so going without wasn’t an issue. I also had no real intentions of not having sex before marriage. Why would I? There was no real reason too, and honestly speaking I enjoyed having sex! So why on earth would I deliberately give it up (no pun intended)? As time passed I did some soul-searching and reflecting about my past relationships, and I realized that each of them failed miserably because they were built on physical attraction and satisfying my sexual needs. So, I made up in my mind that, that way of thinking was no longer good enough for me.
After taking a deep look into my heart, I made the conscious decision to delve into the journey of practicing celibacy. However, before things were set in stone I had to be sure that my reasons were not superficial, and that I would be a stronger person as a result of doing this. So I thoroughly reviewed everything that was in my head and on my heart about celibacy; things like how do I tell a guy I’m dating that he’s not getting any? When do I tell him? How will he react towards me? Will he still be interested in me? How will I survive my urges? And most importantly, can I have a viable relationship without having sex? Plus, I had to consider what it truly meant to practice celibacy and seriously think about everything I would be giving up: no oral sex, no masturbation (not that I did it anyway), no toys, foreplay, nothing! I couldn’t engage in or have any sexual pleasure of any kind.
Naturally I had second, third, and fourth thoughts about what I was about to do, but after much deliberation and prayer I finally came to the conclusion that this was the right thing for me to do. I also discovered that not only was this a good decision for me, but a good one for my future husband. Why? Let’s think about it, what man wants a wife whose vagina is that of a revolving door? Putting a lock on my treasures is the least thing I can do for my future spouse, right? I mean after all, I’m already not a pure virgin so I can at least be a born again virgin in his eyes. I’ll admit, while thinking about my reasons for making this commitment I got nervous, and I trembled almost to the point of tears because I was unsure of what I was truly getting into. Then I further thought, “What if no man is willing to accept my decision? Will I die without ever having sex again?” As much as these questions and other thoughts plagued my mind, I knew in my heart this was the right thing to do at this point in my life no matter how much it frightened me.
I know this won’t be an easy course, but I have to remain positive, and stay committed to the choice I made. Besides, who knows what will come of this journey…one things for sure, it won’t be me anytime soon.
Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For?, a motivational speaker, and an advocate for single women to live their best single lives God’s way. Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.