You can go ahead and label me a prude because this is something I don’t understand. How folks can have an open relationship or open marriage and get in their feelings when someone steps out, I’ll never know.
I found myself talking to a girlfriend about this very topic after “news broke” Will and Jada were headed for a divorce. Obviously, this was as real as folks still claiming to see Tupac, so we didn’t give that rumor mill much thought. However, a person who did come up was a mutual friend that we’ll just call Candace for the sake of trying to keep things kosher.
Out of the three of us, Candace was married the longest but had no children. Both she and her husband can’t stand them on the regular and wanted to fund their vacation account instead of future college needs. Some might think that goes against the grain of what’s expected in a marriage, but for Candace and her guy, it worked. They are anything but traditional.
Now I do my best not to judge (that’s a lie, sometimes I don’t lol), but it took some getting used to Candace and her ways. You see, she and her husband might have been married for eight years, but more than half of that time was spent as an open relationship. I’ll never forget asking her about her arrangement because to me, it didn’t make a bit of sense.
“Soo when you mean ‘open,’ it’s like one of you will be faithful until there’s someone you meet you want to smash?” I asked.
“I mean if you put it that way, yes,” replied Candace.
Before you come for me I need to tell you that she is the one who talks about her marriage. I’m so thankful to have my little Martin and Gina situation going strong (eight years together, three years married and two babies…Jesus!) given everyone in my family is divorced. While I do close my lip about folks’ relationships, there was something interesting about Candace in her setup. We have that kind of dialogue where it’s OK for me to ask questions. I might be the loud one out of our group, but when it comes to love and relationships, just call me Charlotte from “Sex and the City.”
Personally, I don’t understand why people get into open arrangements. I guess if you want to justify cheating — or completely remove it from the table so you can stay together — it might make sense.
Well dear Candace isn’t talking much about her marriage theses days.
They’re headed for divorce.
Remember that conversation I was having with my girlfriend about Will and Jada? Well, around that same time I noticed it had been days since we spoke to Candace about the ending of her marriage. Given I no longer live nearby to pay her a visit, I felt a bit helpless about the entire thing. The girlfriend I was speaking to has zero sympathy for her and oftentimes will tell her, “you brought this on yourself.” Sure I could kick a person when they’re down, but I just don’t think it’s right. Candace always knew what I thought about open relationships and how they can come to bite you on the butt, so why rub salt in an already messy wound?
Apparently, she found out her soon-to-be ex husband was messing with the same girl that ended up starting a new relationship on the side. I assume it was OK for them to mess around with other people so long as there were no feelings, but how can you guarantee something like this doesn’t happen?
I guess you can’t.
Thinking about open relationships and marriages made me take a look at my own situation. With the divorce rate so high, is this one of the reasons why couples remove the exclusive label from their union? Does everyone cheat so much that you now need to be OK with extra people having access to your spouse? Should people who constantly forgive a cheating spouse consider themselves to be in an open relationship?
The fact that I have all these da*& questions further lets me know an open relationship just isn’t where it is, at least not for me.
Honestly, I don’t think you can really get mad at someone for doing something you deemed OK, right? Rather than have an open relationship — and possibly bring STDs and other craziness into your life — it might be better to just stay single.