You always said that if you ever fell in love, you’d want it to be with a man who loves his mama.
But what if you find yourself playing second fiddle to his mother, or even worse, playing surrogate mama in her absence? What if you didn’t discover how close he is with his mother until the relationship took a serious turn, wedding plans had been announced, or you two had moved in together?
What do you do then?
Watching a codependent mother-son relationship play out is a rather unsightly and disturbing thing to witness, in my opinion. But if you don’t want to get caught up, it’s best to pay close attention to how your man and his mother interact. Recognizing warning signs beforehand can save you from a life of misery with a “man-boy” and his mama.
Here are some signs that you are dating a man whose relationship with his mama will always come first.
His Mama Knows When You Argue
If she casually mentions the last argument that you had with your man, you may have fallen into the mama’s boy trap. If she offers advice on how you could have handled the situation, run for the hills and don’t look back! A grown man should never run back and tell his mama every single detail of the disagreements you all have, especially when it’s a case of him not being able to simply “get his way.” Love spats are normal. They’re going to happen, and they shouldn’t be cause for intervention from mama. Putting her in the middle of the situation can only spell doom for the relationship’s future because it shows that he needs her input to handle everyday, trivial matters.
His Thoughts Were Her Thoughts First
A major part of adulthood is being able to think for yourself. If your man has a problem with this, you’re in trouble. When his thoughts are always derived from how his mama feels, you’re not dating him, you’re dating his mom. A man who is always doing what his mother says can torpedo a relationship real fast. What if she ends up not liking you? Do you think he will stay with you, or rather, leave because of her influence? Also, if his mama tells him every move to make, it can condition him to be a lazy thinker so you may end up being the voice of reason for everything in her absence. Sounds exhausting, doesn’t it?
He Still Stays With Mama
Listen, this one should be a no-brainer, but if it still hasn’t clicked for you, allow me to break it down. He’s a grown man who doesn’t have his own address. Sure, he may pay a bill or two, but this man has no idea what it means to live on his own, do his own grocery shopping, or even how to budget. If you settle down with this mama’s boy, just know that he will probably end up moving in with you too.
They Talk Every Single Day
While you may find this endearing in the beginning, I can assure you that this will become “played out” very fast. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man checking in with his mama. But if their phone conversations average an hour each day, it’s safe to say there’s an abnormal amount of influence from her in regards to his life.
If you’re already caught up with a mama’s boy and you’re not happy with the relationship, the best thing to do is to put your foot down and demand that some things change. But don’t be too pushy if you really want to hold onto this mama’s boy. Remember, she was there first, and because he’s codependent, old habits do die hard. Patience is key, but only you know how much you can take. If this is something that you don’t think you can handle, it may be time to move on.