When You Don’t Get The Closure You Expected

September 4, 2015  |  

So, you finally decide that you’ve had enough of this.  You’re going to go and address the person/people who have hurt you and pour your feelings out.

They say that the best way to gain your victory is to envision it first, so as you approach them you mentally rehearse what you’re going to say.  You see yourself expressing yourself eloquently, you’re engaging, and they have now seen the error of their ways.  Once all is said, they look at you earnestly and offer you the apology that you deserve.  You graciously accept and then things go back to the way that they were prior to the disagreement.

One problem though, what happens when you use your prepared speech, and at the end they just look at you?  What happens when your attempt at getting closure leaves you more confused and frustrated than before you sought it?

I’m a very big fan of finding closure on your own, not because I don’t think people’s feelings are valid, but because I know how it feels when your words of vindication fall on deaf ears.

Because of that, I’m more prone to allow bygones to be bygones and agree to disagree.  This new moment of zen has been brought to me by the letter L, because I was beginning to feel like I was losing all of my attempts at closure.

The things that I had to realize were that, first, I couldn’t control someone else’s reactions.  Because I express myself a certain way, I couldn’t force others to as well.  People interpret information differently and just because they didn’t react the way I expected them to shouldn’t be my concern.

Then, I had to adjust to the idea that though I see things a certain way doesn’t mean that others are going to immediately see them in the same light.  As humans, we all have different experiences that shape our backgrounds and the way we approach life and conflicts.  So, while I might feel as though someone owes me an apology, they might not be on the same wavelength.

Finally, I had to be realistic with myself about what I actually expected and what my true intentions were.  Did I really want my feelings to be known or did I want a groveling apology?

Through these things, I realized that the most important thing for me was to use my voice, express how I felt, but don’t put too much stock in other people’s reactions.

People will surprise you and they’ll also disappoint you but if you find that you are working in your own best interest, then you’ll never be let down.

Finding closure doesn’t have to mean demanding an apology from the person who hurt you.  In a perfect world, people will admit their wrongs and fess up to them, but the world we’re living in, the best thing you can do is openly express yourself without any shame.  Know that your voice is valid, and so are your feelings, that way, if you don’t get the closure you expected, you were still able to get closure.

This post was brought to you by the letter K, for Kendra Koger.

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