Does anyone else find themselves in the center of someone else’s argument that makes you ask yourself, how in the hell did I get here? I’ll be the first to admit that when it comes to letting folks in my inner circle, I am extremely picky, probably more than the government — and you know how hard it can be to land a job with them. This doesn’t mean I think of myself higher than anyone else. I just don’t enjoy drama, unless it’s on television.
I have quickly discovered that finding good friends you can double date with is impossible at times. Just when you think you found a good match, boom! It blows up in your face — including the girl, who you thought was your friend eyeing your guy because she doesn’t get the attention she needs at home.
We can talk about that another day.
Moving to a different state threw my social calendar in a loop. Not only did my husband and I leave our core friends when we moved away, but also had to find ways to juggle the needs of our child (we have since had another) and personal life. It was music to our ears when we were introduced to another couple who had a child. I tried my best not to whip out my phone and set up double dates into the following year. Things were OK at first as we had to navigate that awkward “getting to know you” stage. Just like a first date, you try your best to find compatibility that hints at a long-lasting relationship. This is where I think I jumped the gun as one or two things in common masked a whole lot of craziness.
Once the pleasantries began to wear off, I started to notice a change in the atmosphere. This couple who once was so happy to see each other would arrive to events separately — and even leave without uttering a few words to each other. At first I thought they had gotten into a fight prior to their arrival. After all, what couple doesn’t cuss each other out in the car from time to time before having to put on a smile for the public? I can understand that. But what was weird to me was that it happened every time we went out with them. Once at a mutual friend’s barbecue, the husband turned to me and asked, “why can’t my wife be more like you?”
Stop right there, it’s time to have a PSA. It’s never OK to compare your wife to someone else — especially in front of her face!
If you thought that was bad it turned out to be mild compared to the heat that came from their direction. There were times when my husband and I would literally sit between them as they argued back and forth about who made more money, whose mama was the worst (oh yes), along with that infamous question that sparked a Tyler Perry movie, Why Did I Get Married? Rather than take the easy way out by giving an excuse of how busy we were to hang, I made the decision to nip it in the bud.
“Look, I don’t mean to be rude, but we can’t get caught up in this,” I told the wife. “We’ll pray for y’all and everything, but this here is too much.”
I get that every couple goes through their ups and downs. As much as I want to think I married my Prince Charming, there are days when I question my sanity in saying “I do.” It happens. However, too much drama — to the point of being marriage counselors is not only bad for the arguing couple’s relationship (you don’t want all your tea in the streets), but also your own. Think about it: Have you ever spent time with someone who was always negative? After a while, it starts to lower your spirits a bit. If my guy and I are focused on trying to build up something good, the last thing we need is craziness in our inner circle that includes a grown man constantly throwing jabs about his wife behind her back.
There’s a big difference in my book between building each other up and allowing folks to zap your spirit — and with the divorce rate so high in this country, ain’t nobody got time for that.
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