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It seems that people are just learning that Derek Luke, our beloved Antoine Fisher, grew up and didn’t marry a Black woman. Though Luke and his wife, Sophia, have been photographed often, out in public together, some still didn’t know. Or maybe they did know and still felt the need to express some angst about his interracial marriage when the actor posted a picture on his Instagram page.

Apparently, the comments got under Luke’s skin and he issued this message in response.

Aside from the fact that I don’t understand why Black women are mad he married a (clearly Brown-skinned) Latina, there are some other things to dissect here.

Honestly, I never understood why people get on a celebrity’s personal, social media page and start popping off about their spouses. Even if Derek Luke were going to marry a Black woman, the chances that it was going to be you are slim to none. Emphasis on the none.

And the fact that people feel the need to express every opinion on social media is another issue entirely. Quite often, for the sake of your sanity and even your pride, it’s better to just keep scrolling. Typing angrily away, on a celebrity profile, is a lose-lose situation. You’ll either look crazy or, as is increasingly happening these days, the celebrity will mention you specifically and proceed to drag you…publicly.

But all that being said, I’m not going to pretend that I don’t understand the feelings that would influence a woman, particularly a Black woman, to start tough typing on someone’s page, even if she’s misguided in this action.

Luke said it’s ignorance. And from the protective husband perspective, I’m sure that’s how he sees it. But I’d argue that it’s more a consciousness.

It’s the same way we roll our eyes, groan or suck our teeth when we learn our celebrity crush has married a White woman. For many of us, it has less to do with that particular couple but the mistreatment we’ve experienced as Black women.

And I know, you know what I mean.

Mistreatment in that our features are only celebrated on White women.

Mistreatment in the way society, particularly the media, beauty and fashion industries, continuously lift White and fair skinned, straight-haired, thin-featured women as the beauty ideal.

Mistreatment in Black men telling us we should be more like White women, like all White women are submissive, devoid of attitude and a mind.

So, while I’m sure Derek is with his wife because he truly loves her, for a lot of Black women, she represents something else.

And as real as that perception is, at the end of the day, it’s not Derek’s, society’s or even Black men’s collective job to make us, Black women, feel good about ourselves. It would be nice to be reaffirmed by others but we have to do that for ourselves first.

There’s something very unfair about projecting our insecurities onto other couples. I personally don’t know Derek Luke’s dating history. I don’t know if he abandoned Black women once he got on. And I really can’t afford to care. As a former eye-rolling, teeth-kissing, Black girl, it’s just better to assume that it’s love. And if it’s not, sucks for him. #KanyeShrug But to worry myself with his life, his love and his decisions is really just a waste of time and energy.

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