It’s 2011: Quit Waiting for Men to Approach you First

June 17, 2011  |  

My mama is old-school with her courtship expectations. If ever a dude wanted to get on, he had to pursue and properly court her before anything jumped off.

Yet sometime in the mid-aughts, shortly after the death of my grandmother, she decided to go against the grain of convention and semi-court her ballroom dance teacher. It was the first time in her more than 50 years of life that she’d approached anyone on her own volition. It all worked out and they’re now happily married.

I realize this was a stretch for her considering her generational ideals, but I’m blown that, in 2011, many American women are still yoked to the antiquated tradition of waiting for dudes to pursue them. Even women who consider themselves otherwise “liberated” and dependent in any sense scoff at the idea that they would have to ask a n*gga for his digits.

The dumbest thing I’ve heard a woman say is, “Well, I always look his way and he never approaches me…he must not be interested.” Think about it: many of you have been with men whom you may have seen or known but didn’t consider in the romantic perspective until they stepped to you.

Since men are clueless, confused, no-attention-paying bastards by design, you should never assume that we know what you want without telling us unless we’re deep in a relationship with you already. Unless you whip out a breast and slap us in the temple with it, assume our obliviousness.

As wacky as approaching a man in a bar might sound, give it some consideration because we appreciate the initiative. I’ll bet any man who doesn’t is probably of the traditional variety, which means that you’d better not even think of doing anything “hifalutin’” like working to support the household or keeping your last name after marriage.

I’ve always been quite receptive to the women who have either approached me or made it clear with no ambiguity that they are interested in me, even if the feeling wasn’t mutual. I never liked calling/emailing/texting someone on a consistent basis only to find that they wanted me as a “new friend.” Even when I wasn’t grown I was too grown for that Shyte.

It’s 2011: even if you’re fine as frog legs and the world knows it, you might have to put forth a little work to attract a man who has many other options. Besides, if you go about it the right way, you may value your man more than if he just fell into your lap.

 

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