10 Things You Should Not Say To A Pregnant Woman
As a pregnant woman, most people probably think you’re only showered with sweet compliments like “you’re glowing!” and “you don’t look pregnant!” However, the reality is that anyone and everyone will have something to say to you and it’s not all welcomed. Here’s my list of some of the more irksome comments I received, and things you should absolutely not say to a pregnant woman.
“Are You Keeping It?”
Married or single, if a friend is sharing her early pregnancy with you, she’s most likely already decided to keep it, and would rather be met with a more supportive response. Start off by telling her congratulations and let her clarify her intentions for the pregnancy.
“Babies Are Expensive”
The fact that babies are expensive is not breaking news or unknown to most people. Chances are it’s already her biggest fear as an expectant mom. Sharing tips on how she can save on baby expenses or make additional income is a much more productive and welcomed conversation.
“I Loved Being Pregnant”
This was particularly annoying to me while battling 3 months of constant morning sickness – which lasted all day and night! While I was nauseous to the point of wanting to hurl every 5 minutes or needing a nap every few hours, it wasn’t reassuring to hear that someone else had a much easier pregnancy and was spared the constant torture I was experiencing.
“You’re Going To Get So Big”
My sister guessed I would go up 6 pant sizes and another friend offered this gem “You’re going to get so wide!” – again, when you’re already dreading stretch marks and other unwelcomed and even uncontrollable changes to your body having others chime in about how bad it’s going to be is just one more thing you shouldn’t have to deal with when you’re already consumed with your own fears.
“There are so Many Cases of Autism Now”
Yes, there are, but when you’re already pregnant, and there isn’t much you can do to prevent conditions like Autism – based on what little information we know about it, the best we can do is keep a healthy mind and a healthy perspective and avoid conversations that focus on what is already beyond our control.
Granted it was an older foreign woman who bestowed this completely unsolicited comment on me, but I really can’t think of any modern culture where being told how large you are is acceptable social behavior – it wasn’t welcomed before we were pregnant, and even with carrying another human being inside us, we still don’t expect or appreciate being told how large we might be.
“Are You Expecting Twins”
Akin to the “you’re enormous” comment – no expectant woman wants to be asked if she’s having twins unless she’s hinting at the possibility.
“I Hope Your Husband/Boyfriend Is Massaging Your Feet, etc.”
Like most first time dads, it’s more than likely that your partner doesn’t have a clue of how to make your pregnancy easier. That said, having friends and family volunteer their thoughts on how your spouse should be spoiling you can only serve to make you a bit resentful.
“You Know You Can Have Some Alcohol If You Want”
I had no shortage of friends young and old allaying my fears of drinking while pregnant, and while most pregnant women might have a craving here or there, the last thing we need is more pressure to drink while pregnant.
“You Have to Get Product X, Y, Z”
Mommy friends are especially eager to share what items and gadgets you “have to get” for your pregnancy or the baby once he or she arrives. Trying to keeping track of all the “must-have items” so early on in your pregnancy can cause even more stress. The most helpful for me were friends who simply gifted the item, or sent an email with the information that I could save for when I was ready to register or purchase it on my own.