Miss Independent Needs Love Too: Here’s How To Find It

April 22, 2015  |  

“I guess I’m too independent,” says Trish, a 25 year-old dental assistant when you ask her why she’s single. “I have my own mind, I pay for my own things. Guys don’t like that. They want a woman who’s needy.”

Really? Wouldn’t a guy want a woman who can take care of herself? But clearly her experience is her experience so is it possible that an independent woman can’t find love?

“I love a woman who is secure in herself and her abilities. Someone who don’t call me as soon as I leave the house,” says your friend Lee. “The problem with a lot of these so called ‘independent women’ is they don’t know how to be vulnerable. And they always wanna be right.”

He says that men are ultra-competitive and the last thing they want is to come home to a competitive woman. They just won’t come home like a lot of men he knows.

Talk about been there…. Some of your biggest arguments have revolved around your need to be right. Once you argued with a boyfriend for telling you not to plug a wire into a wall socket with wet hands. Nobody’s saying he wasn’t right but who did he think he was? Your daddy? You didn’t grow up with a daddy and you weren’t looking for one. And vulnerability? What does that even look like? Growing up with a single mom who was responsible for everything left little time for vulnerability. In fact, you saw her cry once and it freaked you out. Not mom. Your rock…star.

So really, Lee’s right, but the truth is even independent women need love. You asked Trish ultimately what she’s looking for in a relationship and she said someone that she can count on and communicate with.

Ok. So how is she going to get it?
First, it starts with listening. A man isn’t always out to steal your independence. Sometimes what he’s saying is common sense. Hello, wet hands in the wall socket! So be open to listen.

Second, accept that you’re not always right. It just seems that way because you’re alone. Isn’t everybody the smartest with no one else around?

Three, drop that ‘Independent Woman’ label. It went out with Destiny’s Child. Even Beyoncé calls herself Mrs. Carter. It’s about acknowledging that you’d like a man and the only reason you do everything yourself is because you have to.
Get that straight Miss Independent and you have just quadrupled your chances of finding love. Good luck and do let us know how it works out!

Erickka Sy Savané is a freelance writer and creator of THE BREW, a social commentary blog. Before that she was a model/actress/MTV VJ. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram.

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