For The Love Of Bash: An Open Letter To Wiz And Amber

March 3, 2015  |  

Dear Wiz And Amber,

I had made a solemn promise to myself not to do anymore open letters to artists. However, I am going to break that vow now that I heard Wiz’s shady lyrics about Amber on the new Juicy J song, “These Hoes Are For Everybody.” By the looks of it, a lot of people are going to be talking about the song, as they have been watching you guys slam each other in social media. Wiz, I had the pleasure of interviewing Amber Rose. Amber, I contributed to Wiz’s career many years ago after he was first featured on AllHipHop.com as a young upstart from Pittsburgh. Then, he and his team blasted your former hubby into the megastar that he is today.

I will waste no time.

You guys have a beautiful baby boy together by the name of Sebastian Taylor Thomaz aka Bash. I know you know this, but I thought I would restate the obvious so that it remains at the forefront of your minds as you move about the cabin called Life. It didn’t work out with the two of you. I don’t know if you all went to any sort of divorce counseling, but the number one rule is don’t talk bad about the other parent in front of the child. Bash just turned two year old so he’s probably not able to decipher what’s going on and hopefully not listening to songs by Juicy J.

Before it is too late, you must realize that it all comes out in the wash.

Bash will eventually put things together like a jigsaw puzzle and his respect for each of you will largely be contingent on how you treat each other. So, dropping bombs on each other in song or social media doesn’t make either of you look more honorable. I am a divorcee myself and not once have I mentioned my ex in social media. Kids are fragile. They look at their parents as superhuman and larger-than-life, which both of you are. I don’t speak badly of my ex in front of my daughter, but even the smallest comment that is perceived as negative can cause a gigantic emotional response. The only person you hurt is Bash and the wounds will be deep.

Meanwhile, the public is sitting by looking like this:

They will move on to the next celebrity squabble as soon as they can. Meanwhile, this is your families’ real life.

One thing I can see for certain is that you 1) both love Bash and 2) once upon a time, loved each other. All of the in-between is insignificant now that you are no longer together. As far as I know, both of you went into your relationship with clear eyes, knowing who you fell in love with and ultimately would marry. And I’m sure there is a lot of residual angst, pain, resentment now that things have soured. Have patience. Resist the urge to lash out. Seek counseling. Pick up a hobby. I started running a lot and resorted to punching heavy bags to release the energy after I was divorced. You don’t want your kid to see a legacy of bickering as he gets older. Trust me, you don’t.

Lastly, if you really want to get back at your partner…put your feet up. You don’t have to do a thing. Karma will do the heavy lifting for you and your hands will be clean. Then you can swoop in and help the other one get back on his/her feet.

Bash will love you even more for it.

For your reference, here are the 10 (General) Commandments of Divorce (They don’t mention social media, for example):

Don’t share any anger or grief with your child

Never badmouth, demean, denigrate, or devalue your ex in front of your child. EVER.
Communicate directly with your ex (your child is not a messenger!)

Respect your ex’s visitation time (don’t bombard your child with calls, texts, etc.)

Say positive things about your ex in front of your child (“I see you have your Mom’s good organization skills”)

Never discuss pending family court matters with or in front of your child

Enroll your child in doing kind gestures (a small gift, Father’s Day card, postcard, etc.) for your ex

Encourage your child to communicate– telephone, email, texting, etc.– with your ex while apart
Get your child excited about seeing your ex as visitation approaches (kids follow their parents’ emotional lead)

Include your ex in important decisions

(source)

I wish you both well!

–Chuck

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