Dear Carlos Morales,
I am not writing this disguised as a think piece just to get clicks or even inform others about your tragic circumstances. I am writing this because I’m not sure of a way to reach you. So, hopefully in using this as an outlet someone can forward it and you’ll read this.
First off, and most importantly, I am incredibly sorry for your loss. You’re young and had one picture painted in your head of how life could/would possibly be raising your family with the woman you’re crazy in love with. It seems like in an instant everything changed and you’re forced to live out that last part of your wedding vows decades earlier without all of the memories you thought would happen before you got there. It gets easier.
Trying to rectify what or how things happened all while presently preparing for the future is tough. Grieve however you feel you need to. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Take all of the time you need.
One way that I have made peace with my wife’s passing shortly after our daughter being born was telling myself that God knows when He makes us when he’s taking us. I enjoyed the time that we had. He must think highly of you for giving such an extreme circumstance and more blessings will come from it.
The best parts of Erica are in your four children. They will be your saving grace. There will be days in which they will flash a smile, make a face, or say something just like their mother. Enjoy those moments because that’s Erica letting you know she’s still there. Let them know all about their mom. They will ask questions, show them as many pictures/videos, show them letters, drawings, and everything. Keep all of those things for them. They will not have an active memory of your wife; but they will be inexplicably connected to her. The older that they get there is a chance that this will fade unless you cultivate and encourage it. They will know someone is watching them.
Every milestone they achieve you will think to yourself “I wish Erica was here.” Everything major my daughter does I find myself looking up at the sky for a brief moment and find solace in knowing that her mother is in fact there.
Raising children is not easy. Having multiples is something I can imagine is going to be even more difficult. However, as a twin myself, I can tell you that your little ones will be very close. They literally were formed together, so they are connected. If one slams their finger in a car door at least one of them will feel it. Things like that have happened many times between my sister and I.
Being a single father of color is a unique experience on top of all of that. You will be looked at as a unicorn and as an anomaly because you have custody of your children. While society may look at you like a unicorn you are doing your job. I know you’ll be just fine. If there is a way to reach out directly, I would love to just to be support as someone who really understands your experience.
I will also place the link for the GoFundMe page because it is not cheap being a single parent, either. If possible, don’t touch the survivor’s benefits each child may get each month. If that can be achieved, that’s a good portion of money that can pay for their college. Or they can use that money after they graduate from college to invest/start their own business (If one of them decides to become a philosophy major that seed money can open up a franchise and the residual income can allow them to do whatever they dream of).
Also… learn to braid hair.