What Would You Do?: Your Soul Mate Is In a Serious Relationship

December 16, 2014  |  

“There’s someone out there for everyone” as the old saying goes. But you’ve been searching for years and you just can’t seem to find that special somebody. Failed relationship after failed relationship has left you hopeless and wondering if there really is a unique individual out there created especially for you. If there is, it surely seems that you will never find him.

But then you meet someone.

And your connection is magical. Everything is on point–from your physical attraction and conversation to your interests, beliefs and sense of humor. Almost instantly, you feel that you’ve finally found your soul mate. No questions about it, this is the one. Only problem is, your dream guy has a woman, and things are preeeety serious.

Hence a very messy situation that two of my friends recently found themselves in. Just 27, Kelis has only had three serious relationships in her life, and they all were filled with misery, manipulation and heartache. During her last situation, she was dealing with a Stevie J type dude. You know, the kind who has a serious problem with keeping it in his pants; the womanizer, the compulsive liar, the bruised little boy trapped in a grown man’s body—you get my drift.

Despite advice from family and friends (including myself) to leave Gavin alone, she stayed with little ol’ “Steebie” for over three years. One day, I introduced Kelis to one of my male acquaintances (who I’ll refer to as “Lamar”) because I knew he was a good guy and I thought their personalities would click. Lamar was all into her and Kelis liked him too, but she was so bent on getting Gavin to change that she completely dismissed the possibility of building something with anybody else. That was two years ago.

Last year, Kelis finally took off the blinders and gave Gavin the boot. She and Lamar had remained friends, but when she finally let go of Mr. Wrong, she started to really see just how compatible she and Lamar are. So they started to spend more time together and next thing I know, they’re both telling me that they’re in love. (Hold up, what?!) This would all be fine and dandy if Lamar didn’t have a girlfriend who he’s been with for over a year and a half now. He spent months waiting on Kelis until he finally met a nice girl. What makes things worse is I actually know his gf and I’m pretty cool with her. (Puts me in a really tough spot, but that’s a different story.)

I asked Kelis why she overstepped those boundaries knowing that Lamar had a woman, and she told me that she just couldn’t help it. She knows Lamar is her soul mate. When I talked to Lamar about it, he told me the same thing. But he doesn’t want to hurt his girlfriend, so he made the decision to stay away from Kelis. (Or at least try to.) Now, knowing the full situation and Kelis’ history of picking bad men, I’m truly empathetic. She is truly a queen and I know she just wants to be loved the right way, which is what she deserves. I’ve always felt like Lamar was the guy who could do that for her, that’s why I introduced them in the first place. However, I personally feel like she needs to chuck this one up as a loss. At least for now.

She decided to invest her time in the wrong man while Lamar was single and free, right under her nose practically begging for her to give him a chance. But she was so in love with Gavin and wanted to make things work. Now Lamar has a really good woman and I know she’s been great to him. She doesn’t deserve what Lamar and Kelis are doing behind her back, and she does not deserve to get hurt. Other people who know about the situation are telling Kelis, “He’s not married, go get your man, girl!” But regardless of whether Lamar is married or not, I still don’t think that it’s right. I told the two of them that they need to fall back from each other and if it’s really meant for them to be together, let it happen the right way. But not like this.

Easier said than done.


What would you do if you found your soul mate but they were in a serious relationship with someone else?

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