Halloween Fears: The Scariest Rappers And Singers

October 31, 2014  |  

Lets face it. Parents live in a constant, ever-present state of fear if they are with their weight in salt. You worry. You wonder if there’s a secret bully that takes hour kid’s lunch without your knowledge. You worry if the baby sitter is some sort of nut job.

You don’t want the ratchet rapper to usurp your authority and turn your angel into a gold medalist in the Strip Olympics.

You worry about the present, you worry about the future. You are scared. Face it!

But, as we celebrate our fear-fest – Halloween – lets ponder some of the scariest icons of entertainment.This list will not be like others that only speak to the regular killers. No, today, we call out everybody! BAR NONE!

Beyonce and Rihanna!

Beyonce and Rihanna are scary! I know for some this may seem like an awkward way to start this piece, but this is how I feel. Now, from what I understand, Beyonce is a sweet woman. And Rihanna is, well, Rihanna. Still, they simply have too much power over their minions for my comfort. Recently, Rihanna made any appearance in Atlanta. A well-known blogger that has blogged negative posts about RiRi decided to show up for the show. Well, the Rihanna Navy (her more fanatical supporters) allegedly attacked the blogger in the name of the Barbadian singer. Similarly, Beyonce and her BeyHive are far worse than the Killer Bees of Wu Tang. Those girls and gals will ruin your life if you ever talk bad about B. If Beyonce ever decides to succumb to the dark side, she could overthrow the United States government.

R. Kelly

At some point, R. Kelly is going to sic his crew on me, because of the things I have written. I don’t care. Just don’t sic him on my daughter. My daughter has met quite a few celebrities in her life, but she has not met even more. I don’t just let anybody meet her at this formative age and Kellz is at the front of that line. I have to confess, it is not because of the things we know. It is because of the things we don’t know. Like many super talents, I fear Kelly’s alleged perversions run so deep that you would need fracking equipment to drill for it.

Young Thug

Rap is all style, swag and originality. You really have to have them all at the day’s end if you want to amount to anything in the bloody sport. Young Thug oozes all of these essentials. Now, there’s been an absorbent amount of attention on the heterosexual Thug’s penchant for dresses, nail polish and calling his homies “lover.” No, that is nothing to fear! Let him continue to troll the internet until they get enough. What you want to be fearful that his mumbled mouth dialect would somehow spread through the youth ranks like a virus of bad grammar. His apathetic attitude should make you shutter. I just have to imagine that he is a representative of an army of zombies coming to eat the babies.

Jay Z and Nas

I promise: I DON’T WANT JAY OR NAS TO EVER RETIRE. I hope they keep rapping until they need a cane to walk on stage. I know that won’t happen, but I could at the pace these gentlemen are going. The 40-plus rappers are an inspiration to all, as they are showing that there is no expiration date on rap. I salute the very sentiment that evokes Hip-Hop’s longevity. This notion doesn’t extend to your Uncle Woody and the horror called his first demo. I need Uncle Woody not to think that he can still fulfill his rapper dreams from the 1980’s. Uncle Woody has three kids and his wife is ready to leave him. Tell your Unc…stay at the shop or bank or wherever he works. I would like for Jay and Nas to use their powers for good so that a whole generation isn’t lost chasing a rap life that doesn’t really exist. Tell these men to stop rapping and get a 401k.

Iggy Azalea

There are so many rappers that I love, but Iggy Azalea causes me night terrors. This chick is the proverbial…ghost of Hip-Hop’s future. She’s taking over rap and pop at the same time. She literally scooped food off of Nicki Minaj’s plate and scarfed it down. And then she hit the buffet and made her own plate! Meanwhile, Rapsody and Rah Digga – two dope emcees – struggle to create and audience. Eminem had strong roots in Hip-Hop tradition, but Iggy has your kids with her music. If I see a Black kid out for Halloween dressed as Iggy, I am running the other way like it was Jason Voorhees.

Bonus.

Wiz. Nice guy. Visually, distressing…but perfect for Halloween.

Image source: Wiz Khalifa’s Instagram

 

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