To Share or Not To Share: Is “Bae” Fit for Social Media?

September 16, 2014  |  

When my friends get all up in arms over things they see on social media I tell them all the same thing: it’s just a video game. Social media has become a great tool for reconnecting with people we would have lost touch with; voice our opinions on sociopolitical issues, and even move upward in one’s career. We share our lives and many have even met the loves of their lives through these various channels. It’s a great thing.

Then there are relationships. We’re nearing the tail end of wedding season and somewhere between November and March there will the influx of “I said yes” pictures flooding our timelines. With this and cuffing season beginning, now is the time of year where people begin to assess relationships. Some of us are eager to post pictures of themselves and their relationship to share for the world to see.

There are a few ways to look at this.

As much as I share my life, my daughter, and refer to my dating life via the “internets,” I prefer to keep my relationships private. A part of me would love to show off someone I consider a significant other so other people can say she’s beautiful and what not. I think that because between here and my blog I am so transparent about my life I like to keep some things to myself. Until I am solid that things are moving forward between us I am wary of putting all of said business out there.

The other reason I like to do this is for preservation of the relationship. So many people have broken up over Facebook alone. Letting all of one’s friends, co-workers, and family into their love lives can open up a Pandora’s box. Hinting or a full blown vent session about an infraction can open the door for unwanted or unneeded opinions that could sway me out of something that outsiders who are merely looking in will not understand. Too much opining and/or judgment can taint something that one voiced as a minor thought can possibly alter one’s future with someone they actually cared about… and said onlookers won’t be around to help you rectify or mend a fractured relationship.

If one is going to share: keep it positive.

Just about everything that we share on social media is to get attention. Clicks, likes, RT’s, reposts, a new job, etc. it is all to say “look at me.”

When I was a different person, I solely dated people who were in relationships. Normally they were people I already knew and they had shown some form of interest. All I had to do was a little research to see what void was in the woman’s life so that I knew how to plan accordingly. Then ask the right questions to fill in the holes that social media couldn’t answer. I never had long-term intentions with these people; but nonetheless messing around with me could have been counterproductive to said person’s future. Many people will say or do things solely to get into one’s head and break up their relationship.

I live my life under the philosophy that almost everything is negotiable. Compromise. I may not be one that likes to share pictures of bae and me gallivanting around New York or what have you. But if it means something to her then I will oblige with good reason. Sometimes people are insecure and said display means something to them. I don’t mean that in a negative sense, either. When my daughter’s mother and I first started dating she would ask me why I never posted or mentioned anything about her. She wasn’t thinking about fending other women off or trying to stake a claim; she was just genuinely curious. On the other hand in a more recent relationship the girl didn’t like what she called “digital PDA’s.” Even though she was gorgeous and I wanted to show her off, I was alright with that. I would write about her in my blog in a way that only she would know it was a conversation between the two of us. It was just enough for her.

There is no perfect way to handle relationships and social media.

The best thing to do is have a conversation with your significant other. At this point social media is relevant enough in relationships that this is something that one should have in the beginning.

Take things with a grain of salt. Be careful what you share and who with…and everything should be alright.

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