MadameNoire Featured Video


A couple years ago I dated a woman who was cute, smart, mature, wore dreadlocks like a pro and with whom I shared an overall life perspective. She was also good in bed and had lots of wifey potential…except she had a young daughter whose physical influence was evident all over her midsection.

There was nothing I could do to prevent the squishy, stretch mark-laden mass from bothering me. I even asked my mother if I was being ridiculous: she informed me that if it bothers me now, it probably always would, which should be enough to move on. She was right…it was simply a non-negotiable.

This happened a couple of times in my storied dating career: I dated women with many characteristics I desired, but when they were deficient in one or two significant physical or personality aspects, I made an effort but ultimately flew the coop. Initially I always felt like an a$$hole, but I ultimately realized that I should never sell myself short, especially in a city like Chicago teeming with single, cute, eligible honeys looking for a stone and someone to bring home for Easter Sunday.

No matter how anemic the dating pool in their area, everyone looking for a partner should recognize their own non-negotiables and never attempt to fight that internal compass telling them to go in a different direction. Recognizing that peoples’ general personality characteristics are deep-rooted and often not subject to change is a big first step to finding a partner.

For example, if you meet a quiet and aloof dude, don’t attempt to make him lively and extroverted. If you meet a fiery, outspoken lady looking to battle, her a$$ isn’t gonna get passive anytime soon. Any attempts to change them will be met with frustration and disaster.

Certain habits, however, can change. If he needs to be a bit cleaner overall, a woman’s touch can help. If the only reason she’s never hit a treadmill is because no one ever cared to exercise with her, you could be the one.

The key is recognizing the difference between bad habits and non-negotiable personality characteristics; doing so could limit the amount of time you’re in an unhappy shell of a romantic situation.

Have you ever tried to “change” someone and then realized you were taking on the impossible?

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