Taleema Talks: Should I Go Steady With A Dad Who Lives With His Ex-Wife?

June 26, 2014  |  

Dear Taleema,

I’m dating a recently divorced single dad of two. The divorce is final, but he is still living with his ex-wife, because he says it works until she can find a place of her own. We’ve been dating for a few months now and he told me about the recent divorce, but not the live-in. I’ve already started falling hard. Is it time to take a step back? I went to dinner at his house once and the ex-wife came out in towel and walked up and down the hall. On purpose? Maybe, but hated how comfortable she was. I’m in no position to demand he kicks her out and he swears it’s nothing and they sleep in separate rooms. We fell fast, have exchanged “I love you’s.” But, I feel he’s holding all the cards. Give it more time and see how quickly she moves? Set a deadline and tell him I need to step away until she’s out? Or sit still and have some fun… but I’m looking for more.


Taleema Talks: Should I Go Steady With A Dad Who Lives With His Ex-Wife?


Dear Looking for More,

RED FLAG, RED FLAG!!!!!!!!! Dating a divorced father of two is not an issue, however if this divorced man omits the fact he still lives with his ex-wife – I would definitely have some MAJOR CONCERNS.  There is a huge surge in the number of divorced people choosing to cohabitate, for a host of reasons-Financial relief tends to be the No.1, followed by the ability for both parents to remain an active participant in their child’s daily life. Those reasons may make sense to some, but do you really want to deal with all that comes along with it?

You two have been dating for only a couple months and you say you both fell fast and hard – understandable, sometimes that does happen, but at what point in those few months did he finally decide to come clean about his living arrangements? You went to his home and the ex-wife was walking around common living areas in her towel? That was her message to you that:

  1. I am here, recognize that fact.
  2. I will move around as I please.
  3. At the end of the day I can drop this towel and have what I want.

I would definitely take a step back (you really don’t KNOW him yet, it’s only been a few months…sometimes it takes years for people to reveal who they really are) and ask yourself:

  • Why wouldn’t he tell me about his living situation in the beginning or at least when we started developing deep feelings for each other?
  • What was the nature of their breakup and what is their current “SITUATION?”
  • What makes her feel comfortable to walk around common living space in her towel?
  • What made you two fall so hard and fast for each other?
  • Can you see yourself dealing with these living arrangements?

While you may not be in the position to demand he kicks her out, you are in the POSITION to choose if you want to stay in this relationship or walk away. What you have to realize is you are the one holding ALL the cards, not him. CHOICE   is a powerful tool; you simply have to decide how you want to use it. You say you’re looking for “MORE”, demand it or change courses and find someone who is of like mind.

“Too often in life, something happens and we blame other people for us not being happy or satisfied or fulfilled. So the point is, we all have choices, and we make the choice to accept people or situations or to not accept situations.” – Tom Brady



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