Ask Momma Goddess: How Do I Get That Old Thing Back?

April 10, 2014  |  

Welcome to the launch of my new advice column, “Ask Momma Goddess.” Here I will offer my sage, and sometimes humorous, wisdom on everything from motherhood, to marriage, to managing messy manes. And everything in between. If you’re looking for personal growth and are willing to do the work, then you’ve come to the right place.

Now come on and sit a spell and let Momma Goddess make it all better.

How do you tell grandparents to please respect your guidelines when the children spend the night with them? For example, in bed at 8:30 or only one sweet treat a day.

Sonya J.

Dear Sonya,

Well this can be a tricky one because some grandparents feel like they know what’s better for their grandchildren than the children’s parents do. And sometimes this is true, but grandparents must also learn to respect that these children are not theirs and they should follow the wishes of their parents.

I’d suggest having heart-to-heart conversations with the grandparents and explain to them that you’d really appreciate their support in being consistent with the children. Doing so will only help the children understand the rules and parameters set up by ALL of their caretakers.

My husband and I have done so with everyone who cares for our children. Consistency is key in my opinion when raising healthy children. Good luck to you.

I’m a long-time divorced mom of a teenage son (16). My last relationship occurred when MySpace was popular! I work full-time and up until last spring I was going to school at night. I haven’t been able to go back to school right now because of financial reasons. I picked up a part-time job to help with that.

I try to ‘live my life’ by doing things that give me joy, volunteering, time with friends, my son and experiencing new places in town. But none of it feels as satisfying as it used to. Why does it feel like I’m not enough? I’ve been looking for clarity for the past year and a half. Like what is my purpose. Right now it just feels like I’m a hamster on a wheel, spinning and spinning without any clear destination.

I want love and companionship again. I want to create again. I want to explore again. It feels simultaneously possible and impossible that any of it will find me. I guess my question is: how do I get that old thing back?

LaTasha C.



Dear LaTasha,

Maybe trying to get that “old thing” back is the issue. We humans are ever-evolving and ever-changing. Each breath we take is brand new; it’s not an old breath made new again. You have been looking backwards when you should be looking forward.

And when you say you’re “not enough”, my question is, “Enough for what?” If you are looking outside of yourself for your worth, it is likely that you will not be happy with what you see. Self-worth is just that. Your worth needs to be self-generated and self-realized.

In regards to your passion, you will find it when the pressure to do so is no longer present. You might start by thinking about the things you love to do and would happily do even if you never received a penny for doing them. For instance, I love encouraging people to be their best in spite of their circumstances. It’s who I am and why I am here. Though I will continue to happily receive payment for what I do, I could and would continue to do so even if I never got paid for it again.

Write a list of the things you love to do. Don’t censor yourself or try to figure out the “how” of it. Just write the list and begin to “allow” these things in your life. Act as if they are already so in all that you do. Speak of them powerfully and often. Visualize yourself doing these things and receiving the pay/joy that you know comes with doing these things. Start there and I’m pretty sure you’ll stumble upon your passion.

I also suggest reading a book called “Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting” by Lynn Grabhorn. I read it years ago when I was feeling stuck, and it “unstuck” me pretty darn good. Hang in there. You will get through this!

Please submit your questions to

Tomiko Fraser Hines, aka “Momma Goddess” is a model, actress, “inspirationist,” women’s empowerment activist and a Goddess. Her life’s passion is inspiring other women to unleash their inner Goddess as well. She prides herself on living a “self-defined” life. Tomiko lives in Los Angeles with her husband, Chris, and their twin sons, Kaden and Bryce. You can follow Tomiko on: Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Interested in hiring Tomiko as your Life Coach? Click here.

Trending on MadameNoire

Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN