Abiola’s Love Class! Bad Relationship Habits to Break in 2014

January 2, 2014  |  

Welcome to Love School. Class is in session! Abiola’s Love School is a weekly empowered Love Lesson, inspirational class and juicy conversation about love, relationships, dating, sex, commitment and self-worth. Each class will include homework, resources and actionable steps. Let’s move beyond the surface to experience the true love and intimacy we deserve. Are you in? 

Love Lesson: Tired Love, Dating and Relationship Habits to Leave Behind

As human beings, we are creatures of habit but this doesn’t always serve us. If we keep doing what we’ve been doing we’ll keep getting what we’ve been getting. If you believe that nothing ever changes, then guess what? Nothing will ever change for you.

Most of us make new year’s resolutions around money, weight and things that seem more controllable than love. However, making commitments to new healthy habits in love is one of the best ways to create change in your overall life.

Whether you are in a committed, long-term relationship or looking for love, we all have relationship habits that we need to release. There is no way to have toxic communication, for example, and have a happy relationship.

Let’s look at the love, sex, dating and relationship habits that you do NOT want to bring with you into the new year.

1. Unchecked expectations.

Have you ever heard the expression that whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right? This applies to our love lives, too. If you get into a relationship expecting it to fail, for whatever reason, guess what? It’s doomed from the start. The road to relationship hell is indeed paved with expectations.

Expectations can be like pre-planned resentments. Of course, you should have your standards, but deal with your partner as an individual rather than thinking, “my ex always did this for me” or “all men are supposed to do that.”

2. Negative beliefs and chatter.

Being human means that we’ve all been hurt. A fair number of us also have severe trust and abandonment issues as a result of primal childhood traumas. However, we can’t carry around these tired old beliefs like luggage and expect to have positive relationships. We all have a running dialogue going in our minds. Whether that chatter is coming from your inner wise woman or inner bully depends on the work you’re doing to empower yourself.

If you’ve heard yourself saying, “Men ain’t ish,” “All men cheat,” “I’m too old to find love” or anything like that, your belief system is flawed.

3. Listening to your friends.

“Girl, he looks like a player.”

“You need to get somebody with more money.”

“I wouldn’t date anyone with a baby mama if I were you.”

“Isn’t he kind of short for you?”

If your well-meaning BFF has never had a relationship for longer than a year, how is she going to give you advice on compromising and long-term love? We all have our challenges. Just be clear when you’re getting advice where it’s coming from. Your chronically single friend might be giving you great advice on loving yourself first — take it — and heed all advice in context.

4. Pining for your ex.

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