MadameNoire Featured Video

Without further ado, here is post number two about discussing masturbation with your teens. In the first part of our story, we went to great lengths to acquire professional advisory from a practicing pediatrician who served up the greatest reminder:

Masturbation is a part of natural sexual development, so don’t panic!

So, our curiosity led us to ask a few parents how they have or will handle the masturbation situation with their children. Please note: while the opinions and approaches vary, they certainly confirm the notion that no parent is alone in this and there are many ways to keep the lines of communication open. Take a look at what they had to say!

“I know my son masturbates. He can’t wait to get home from school sometimes because he’s by himself at the house for a couple hours before me or his mom gets home. I mean, he’s 15 and I think he’s been at it a while! Me and my wife, we have a little stash of DVD’s and adult material that we like to incorporate in our bedroom occasionally and I noticed a few were missing out the cases a while back and suddenly they reappeared. I’m thinking, hmmm.., okay he’s just curious to know what things look like and whatnot. My wife was like ‘no, he’s jacking off.’ I told her she was assuming and blew it off for a while, but then it dawned on me – she stopped doing that man’s laundry! She went from going to get it out his hamper in his room, washing, folding and leaving them all nice and fresh in a basket by his door to not touching any of it. We haven’t said anything to him about it because we already know what it is and the way we see it, it’s safe, healthy sex. We all did it … still do! I just better not catch my girls doing it. That’ll break my heart but we have a little time for all that with them, or at least we better!” – Derrick, 39, father of 3

“I have two girls and I have to say that I wouldn’t be in the least bit surprised if they’re pleasuring themselves somehow. My oldest is 17 and I can distinctly remember when she was about 8 or 9 and we had my nephew and a few of his little friends over during the summer. They were all just hanging out in the living room watching TV eating popcorn, you know the sh*t kids do. All of the sudden it got a little quiet and I noticed the boys, who were about the same age at the time, were fixated on my oldest daughter. I couldn’t figure it out until I got closer. She was sitting on the arm of the couch and I guess her shorts or something were in the right place and she was riding the arm of the chair and the boys were so turned on by this! I told her to get off the furniture like that and sit like a lady and she did and everything went back to normal. But it was at that time I noticed that it wasn’t so much an urge, it was more like an accidental arousal and after that I’m sure she was very aware of the feeling. It happens and I think it’s completely normal, so I won’t be making my kids feel guilty about it like my mother would have with me because it was taboo back then.” – Miriam, 41, mother of 2 

“I talked to my son about his masturbation. He’s grown now but I had the conversation. Now that I have grandchildren, I wouldn’t say anything, in retrospect. What I will say, is that I had the conversation with my son when he was about 16 or 17 and I told him to handle his business so he’s not walking around with a bulging man part flagging through his pants, nobody wants to see that. So, I told him to handle his business so he could remain productive throughout the course of his day because I didn’t want him or his peers to be distracted by something that’s natural. I have 4 girls and one boy and I would feel so bad for him because he was outnumbered and had things going on with his body that his sisters wouldn’t and couldn’t understand! So when I approached him about it, he was a little uncomfortable but he talked to me about it to the best of his comfort level and I told him that he was not doing anything wrong and it’ was a natural thing for him to do. He was grateful for the conversation but I wish his Dad would’ve had the conversation, but he traveled a lot and they just didn’t have the closeness that it took. We never spoke about it again and he wasn’t spooked by it either. He said, ‘thanks Mom, I really appreciate you for being so understanding.’ That was that, and now he’s 27, engaged and has no kids so apparently, I did something right.” -Brenda, 57, mother of 5 grandmother of 3

“This is one thing I’m not really looking forward to. My daughter is 12 and my son is 9 and I know she’s going to be a little slow to draw in that area. She’s very into her own little bubble. She plays softball and tennis and her and her friends are still kind of grossed out by boys and what they do. My son, on the other hand, has a crush on a girl in his class already! I’m like ‘whoa, okay. Slow down little man.’ With him, I’ve got a feeling we’ll be having that talk very soon – much sooner than I’d like to. Not that it’s a problem I mean my brothers did it all the time! Some days I used to say to them ‘go eff yourself’ and really mean it, you know? It seemed to subdue them to a point where they won’t so hard to deal with! I’d go as far to say it might be the same for my son. I’ll be sending him to his room quite often I’m sure!” – Lisa, 40, mother of 2

“You know what? I’m a guy, right? I get how it is, you get these urges and you start liking girls. They smell good to you, look good to you and you have to remember girls mature in areas that we tend to enjoy from that point on. My oldest son is 13 and he is a lot like me. And what I mean by that is, if he likes a girl, she’ll never know unless he wants her to. When I was growing up, you could tell the masturbators from the ones who did not.  I was a masturbator since I was about 13 and the guys who didn’t were walking around with the bulge and dry humping girls in the hallway for fun! If my son turns out to be one of those guys, I’ll have to let him know the cure, but if he’s anything like me he’ll know what to do and we’ll never have to speak about it. I just don’t want him walking around looking like a horny toad who can’t control himself, does that make sense?” – Tony, 38, father of 3

 

“The way I see it, if my son is jacking off then he needs something better to do with his time and put his hands to better use. He can’t be in my house having sexy time with himself without paying a bill or exhausting his energies somewhere else. I believe that if a child is focused in other areas like sports or playing an instrument or working part time, there would be no time for any of that. I know there’s a natural desire to do these things but I feel like there’s a time and place for everything and getting yourself off should be done when you can afford the four walls in which you do that in. I’m sorry, there are boundaries to this, you know? – Renee, 32, mother of 2

 

 “As long as he’s practicing restraint, I’m fine with it. There’s a time and place for everything and my hope is, if and when my son starts touching himself, I just hope that he’ll adhere to an unspoken protocol. I’m not going to say anything to him about it unless it gets in the way of the things he needs to do or if I have any inclination that he’s harming himself then we don’t have to talk about it. He deserves his privacy and I won’t be one to violate. It’s natural and he’s doing what most boys his age do so we don’t have to talk about it but he’s know I’m here if he needs to. I feel like it’s something he can handle on his own.” – Janet, 34, mother of 2

 

Have you had to have this conversation with any of your children? If so, how did you finesse the direction of discourse?

 

Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN