Why One Woman is Having a Baby with Her Best Friend

August 13, 2013  |  

Given the choice, most of us would say first comes love, then comes marriage and then the baby carriage. But we all know life doesn’t always work out the way we want. And it definitely didn’t for the woman behind the latest confession on Ebony.com. Instead of finding the love of her life, or even adopting or finding a surrogate, she’s having a baby with her friend.

It’s not that this woman didn’t want the white picket fence; it was just the opposite:

I wanted my future child to have the perfect life, to grow up in the little house, with the manicured lawn, car in the driveway, playful dog and two parents who loved him or her more than life.  However as life happened, nothing was happening to make my picture perfect fantasy a reality.  No man, no money for the cute house and turns out I’m allergic to dogs.

So she decided to try a sperm bank to make her dream of being a mother a reality. She dreamed of the nursery on the way there and all the sweet parts of being a mother, but then the idea of having a mystery father somewhere in the background hit her, hard:

What do I do when this child asks who their father is?  Do I tell them that their father was Donor 153489X?  What do I do when they cry because everyone else has a dad to make a Father’s Day gift for in kindergarten, but they don’t?

She couldn’t go through with it. And that’s when she decided to ask her best friend, a gay man, to be not only a sperm donor but a daddy. Devin had always wanted to have children but hadn’t found the solid relationship that would allow to have children. So they talked until sunrise and then decided to do it.

For the most part, she says people have been supportive even though what they’re doing isn’t what most would consider “normal” or “traditional”.

For some, what Devin and I are doing is far from traditional because it does not have the house, car and dog, but what it does have is two loving parents.  Two parents who wanted a child so bad, that they broke the “rules” and created their own version of the traditional family just so they could give that child all the love they had to give.  And as I sit here with Devin playing DeBarge to my belly, I’m secure in knowing that taking the non-traditional route was the best choice, because in 5 months we’ll receive the best gift ever and have the best family anyone can ask for.

So long as a child has two loving parents, he or she is lucky. What do you think of this new family?


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