Tomiko Fraser Hines: “How Momma Got Her Groove Back”
As a new mother of twin boys, I am still getting used to this new version of my life. I feel like I’m on the move 24 hours a day. I thought I was busy before having kids. Ha! Nothing compares to the level of busy I’ve achieved these past few months. My life now revolves around my sons and making a better world for them. I don’t have time or energy for much else. And that includes sex. (Insert record scratch here.) What?!? Did I just say that?
I’m tired, y’all. Tired like I’ve never felt before. I can count on one hand how many nights I’ve gotten more than 4 hours in a row of sleep since the boys were born. Three! Honestly, sex is the furthest thing from my mind. And don’t get me wrong, I have a love for my husband that they should write stories about. After almost seven years of marriage and 12 years of being together, I still get giddy when I know he’s on his way home from work. He is fine, he smells good and he takes excellent care of me and our sons. So it’s not a question of whether I’m attracted to him or not. I’m just too damn tired to have sex! Is this going to be my life now that I’m a mother?
Hold up and wait a gosh darn minute! I’m a Goddess, and any Goddess worth her salt does not accept defeat that easily. So I’ve made it my business to find some fun and creative ways to not only spice up our sex life, but to even get it back on the stove. I called up a few friends of mine who are also new mothers to find out how they keep it fresh and popping in the bedroom with their men.
One European mama said that she and her husband speak French to each other during lovemaking to keep things hot in the bedroom. Ooh la la! Another friend said that she and her guy have sex in different rooms around the house (not the nursery please!) as a way to keep the fires burning. We were in her kitchen when she told me this and I couldn’t help but notice a tiny smile come over her face as she let her finger graze her counter top. Do what you gotta do,girl!
And then there’s my friend who told me that she and her husband have monthly date nights where they pretend to be different people. They “meet” at a bar, a nightclub or even their neighborhood laundromat and after some small talk and maybe a drink, they find a discreet spot to “hook up”. Wow! I’ve really gotta step up my game!
I guess it all boils down to prioritizing. Making time for what is important in your life. We schedule so many other things on our “to do” list. Why not make “doing it” the first item on that list? It’s a win-win if you ask me.
So what it’s gonna be, ladies? Are we gonna throw away our stilettos forever now that we’re mothers? Are we gonna trade in our thongs for some granny panties? Hell to the naw! It’s time to bring sexy back for real! We’re mothers AND we’re sexy! It doesn’t have to be either or. Now get out there and remind your man how you got those babies in the first place!
*A “GoddessGasm™” is an empowered woman’s spontaneous and uncontrollable orgasmic burst of clarity, truth and self-acceptance. YES!! My column encourages and demonstrates to mothers, and all women for that matter, how to incorporate “GoddessGasms™” into their daily lives.
Tomiko Fraser Hines is a model, actress, “inspirationist” and women’s empowerment activist. She created “Tomiko Fraser’s Goddess Gathering”, a women’s empowerment and support group, in 2005, as a space for women to discover, develop and demonstrate their most empowered selves – their inner Goddess. She prides herself on living a “self-defined” life. Tomiko lives in Los Angeles with her husband, Chris, and their twin sons, Kaden and Bryce.
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