Is All Fair in Love and War?

January 4, 2013  |  

I still remember how it felt when I found out that my ex boyfriend was dating one of my friends. I spent weeks upon weeks singing sad love songs (out loud) in my college dorm room. Yes, I fully acknowledge that I was being overly dramatic but I was beside myself with pain, disbelief, a bruised ego, and more. I felt betrayed beyond reason and wanted to right the wrong that had been done to me. Never mind the fact that I had broken up with my ex because I thought I had found a better catch.

I wanted everyone to feel sorry for me because what right did he have to move on, and with my friend at that? I was consumed with fury for her to say the least. The question I have now looking back is, was my friend wrong to date my ex? *Sigh*

My twenty one year old self still proclaims the following:

Damn right she was wrong!!

Who does that? There’s an unwritten and unspoken code that friends live by and the number one rule is that exes are off limits for a lifetime. As a fully grown adult woman I can see how things can happen in the name of love. The heart is a mysterious thing and it tends to want what it wants. Love happens, and sometimes two people who never intended to fall in love do just that with no malicious intention on either one of their parts. I do however avoid extensive contact and interaction with my friends current husbands and boyfriends as well as their ex counterparts. I would imagine some people are far less forgiving than me. Women like Shania Twain who lost her husband to her best friend probably still see red when the thought crosses her mind, but at some point you have to move on.

Loyalty and trust are fragile things in any relationship and once lost they are sometimes impossible to reclaim. When all else fails simply remember that you should treat people the way you want to be treated. So even if you do helplessly fall in love with your friends ex, be mindful of the fact that it’s not always what you do but how you do it.

Mommy Noire Readers: Do you think all is fair in love and war? Have you ever dated a friends ex?

Words by Sid Powell
Sid Powell is the NAACP nominated screenplay writer of ‘Somebody’s Child’, a mother of two, and the owner of SIDPo Productions. Read more about how SIDPo Productions is ‘Changing Everything’ at

Trending on MadameNoire

Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN