Dating a Pretty Man – Does it Make You More or Less Secure?

June 27, 2015  |  

I’m a woman who is married to an extremely handsome man. That may seem like a braggadocious statement, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I’ve had both men and women both universally tell me how hot he is. Women have openly flirted with him in front of me…and a few men have too. Normally it means nothing to me, until someone makes a comment that comes across as a backhanded compliment.

“Wow, how’d you land him?” Or “Wow, good for you”…as if I’m some sort of slouch or something.

Then there are those who assume that my fine ass husband must be cheating on me. Gee…thanks. I can see why some, if not most, people just automatically assume that pretty people cheat. After all, they probably have many options and many more opportunities to cheat, so why not take advantage of them? If women are throwing themselves at him, he’d most certainly not turn them down right? Hmmm…

If I were to sit here and say that I always have a thick skin and feel totally secure at all time, I’d be lying. While I never wondered why someone like him would be with someone like me, I have wondered if he’d ever get curious enough to entertain one (or many) of the countless women who gaze his way on a daily basis. Luckily he reassures me that no matter who may flirt with him or how many women ignore his wedding band, he still only has eyes for me. And while I know he loves me, sometimes the comments from friends and strangers alike make me feel like I should keep my behind in the gym and eating salads to be sure I hold onto him because “any woman would kill to be with him if y’all break up.” And it’s sad.

Sad why? Because I have no real reason to feel that way when I think back to the men I’ve dated in my past. While all my exes were men that I found attractive in one way or another, there are a handful that could have been considered male models. Yet none of them were your stereotypical vain, dense or vapid jerks. They were intelligent, funny and genuine – opposite of what many think of when you utter the word hottie. But whether I was overweight, fit and modelesque myself, long hair, short hair, don’t care – men seemingly gravitated to my personality more than anything, and none of them ever made me feel like I was like lucky to be with them. On the contrary, they all made me feel like the prize. And while the relationships may not have lasted, I can say that none of them ended because they had wandering eyes or cheated on me

Interestingly enough though, it was the average or semi-good looking guys who were the insecure ones. These were men who couldn’t get any girl they wanted, so when another woman looked their way it was as if they had to see how far they could take the interaction because that opportunity may never present itself again. While all my friends were busy worrying about the “fine” ones cheating on me, they should have been telling me to keep an eye open with the one who were in my league. It’s as if they thought an average guy would never cheat because somehow they had more of a moral compass than a man who looked like a celebrity. But what I learned was that a man is a man…and if he can’t be faithful, it doesn’t matter what he looks like.

Having a beautiful face and a beautiful heart are not mutually exclusive. And just because he may have multiple opportunities to cheat because everyone woman wants him doesn’t mean he’ll actually do it. Finding a good person to love is not easy, and if you’re fortunate enough to find him or her then don’t let insecurities and doubt creep into your relationship based on the irrational thoughts of a “looks obsessed” society. Trust that if that incredibly attractive man is with you, it’s because he wants to be with you – not because he pities you. Appreciate him for being able to see past the surface – as gorgeous as your surface may be – and see you for who you really are deep inside. Hopefully you’re dating him for the same reason. Looks fade, but beauty is skin deep and if you still want to be with him (and he with you) when the lights are out and all you have to go on is his spirit…you both have hit the jackpot.

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