Remember the days when a breakup happened face to face, or at worst, during a phone call?
Let’s deal with the latter, shall we?
OK, so you were dumped over the phone. It sucks. Really it does. It’s humiliating as hell, and your dignity has been compromised. You spend hours on the phone with your closest girlfriends, replaying the “And then he dumped me and hung up” part. You sulk. Your girlfriends provide the pity party and constantly tell you that you were too good for him. They never liked him anyway! You gain about five pounds from binge eating Oreos, maybe even miss a few days at work, but eventually you dust yourself off and get back in the game, right?
You chalk it all up to this politically correct conclusion: You two were not meant to be, and you can do better. It’s fine, and the parting of ways was inevitable. You’re at peace, and you’re moving on.
The reason you can do this is because it is only your inner circle who truly knows what went down. The embarrassment and humiliation is minimal so while you may be falling apart on the inside while processing everything, not too many people know that. You can still wear your “brave face” around town.
Ahhh… life was so simple back in the day. But it’s become quite complicated ever since social media killed the “private” breakup.
Some folks feel like they can’t even sneeze without announcing it on social media. Every single detail of their personal life is up for discussion, and they thrive off of the attention. To them, a breakup is supposed to be splashed all over social media. They want everyone to know, understand why it happened, bash their former flame, and inform the public that their ex wears smiley face boxers and still curls up at night with his stuffed turtle from childhood.
But what happens when you’re not interested in spreading your breakup business on social media, yet your ex decides to announce to everyone that he is officially done with you?
So now you’re not only stewing in emotional pain, but thanks to social media, his friends, your friends, and mutual friends know the sordid details leading up to the fallout and what you may or may not have done to cause it. (Let’s hope you didn’t cheat.)
You’re receiving friend and follower requests from people you’ve never met in your life, and your direct messages are exploding with questions and comments. Your public breakup has become fodder and entertainment for others, and your life now closely resembles a bad, unscripted episode of Divorce Court.
So, how do you handle this? What do you do when everyone is playing judge and jury with your love life?
First things first, please know that you don’t owe anyone an explanation. Sure, it’s tempting, and you want to tell your side of the story so that your ex can stop looking like the victim. But ask yourself, “Is it really worth it?”
This is what I say. If you must clap back and explain your position, just write one post. Sum it up and make sure you include everything you want to say. And whatever you do, stay positive. This should be the first, last and ONLY time you address everything. Continuing to reply to folks’ comments and inquiries and the rumors only makes you look just like what your ex wanted you to look like in the first place – a fool.
Don’t be intimidated or overwhelmed by the friend and follower requests. It’s the nature of the beast. People are naturally nosy. Just start putting that nifty block button to proper use and delete any unsavory messages from your pages. Remember, it’s your social media page, and you can manage it accordingly.
As far as your ex goes…and I know it’s tempting to want to keep your ex as a friend so that you can troll them, let go entirely and unfriend, maybe even block him too. After all, why would you want to troll or be connected in any way to someone who brings drama to your life? Best to leave that chapter of your life, and that man, in the dust.
My advice to avoid this altogether? But of course, keep your entire relationship off of social media. That way, if things don’t work out, you can make a clean break. Without an audience.