“I Demand An Orgasm Every Time”: Don’t Let Nicki Minaj’s Advice Mess Up Your Sex Life

June 11, 2015  |  

Nicki Minaj has caused yet another Internet frenzy with her most recent statements about how a man must please her in bed. In the July issue of Cosmopolitan, Minaj said, “I demand that I climax. I think women should demand that.”

I find it very interesting — and amusing — when people who do not have a conceptual framework of healthy sexuality, nor formal education and/or credentials in the field of human sexuality, try to educate and/or give advice on how someone can better their sex life.  Now do not get me wrong, I am not saying that someone has to have a degree in sexuality to give suggestions. I am, however, unapologetically saying that they should at the very least have a thorough understanding of all dimensions of sexuality before haphazardly giving out information and recommendations.

While Minaj’s comments regarding demanding your orgasms from your mate may be well-intended, those comments also set people up for disappointment. Furthermore, it contributes to the misunderstanding of women’s sexuality and empowerment. Our sexuality is complex. Given the historical context, the societal construction of sexuality, negative intergenerational patterns, stigmas, taboos, the female anatomy, variations in sexual response, misunderstandings about sexual empowerment and more, it’s obvious that experiencing an orgasm is much more than a simple demand from one’s partner.

Finally, why should someone assume or demand that someone else give them sexual pleasure? I hate to burst anyone’s bubble, but that is not how it works. That belief system is one of the very reasons why many women are left feeling unfulfilled sexually. That mindset gives someone else way too much power, control and accountability over our own sexuality. It is not fair to hold someone else responsible for our sexual pleasure. We should be an active participant in our sexual experiences and make sure that we are getting our own pleasure.

At the end of the day, we are responsible for navigating our sexual health and experiences, not anyone else. When we give others that power, we only hurt ourselves because we fail to value our sexuality. And besides, do you really want to take advice from someone who made a song boasting about “Truffle Butter“? I think not.


Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a certified clinical sexologist, sex therapist, best-selling author and powerful motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara- Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE. Dr. TaMara is also the Editor-in-Chief of Our Sexuality! Magazine. Our Sexuality! is the premiere magazine for women’s sexuality and sexual health. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, or http://www.drtamaragriffin.com. Join Dr. TaMara’s movement of Healthy Sexuality #HowDareINot #ISaveLives http://www.howdareinot.com

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