Just Gotta Make It: My Love-Hate Relationship With Being An Entrepreneur

June 12, 2015  |  

“We will take you back as an employee, but your schedule will be 2 p.m. to 10:30 p.m. Off days Tuesdays and Wednesdays.”

Besides being disappointed because I had to consider this opportunity in order to pay the bills, I was also offended. I was insulted by the idea that the employer on the other end of the phone would open her mouth to offer someone with my experience level such hours. Intern days were over, honey! How did she expect me to see my family, visit my friends, or have a life? Oh. What was I thinking? She didn’t care.

This conversation, along with several others I had with my employer regarding subpar wages, long hours, and over-the-top expectations made me get serious about my career. Not the work I was doing for my employer, but the work I wanted to do for myself. I couldn’t grasp the idea of working tirelessly for someone whose vision I did not share. I don’t hate my job. In fact, there are moments where I truly enjoy it. Still, I had my own vision, and it was unfair to my employer and most of all to me not to work in line with it.

This has been an ongoing battle in my life and part of the reason I’ve formed a love-hate relationship with my entrepreneurial spirit.

I like to create things with words and bring ideas to life with projects that serve as an arsenal of empowerment and entertainment. My mind moves a hundred miles a millisecond if that’s even possible. And although sporadic in my thoughts, they all line up to one vision. I’ve realized that I wouldn’t be happy leaving this earth without saying that I saw it come to fruition. If I worked as a top-level exec in corporate America with all the perks that equate to success based on society’s standards (been there, done that), I still would not be content if it were not part of my vision.

Some people are happy working tirelessly for others with a steady paycheck to show for it all. This is not a bad thing. In fact, I sometimes wish I was one of these people. I wish that my creative mind would give in to logic and normality and structure. I’ve tried it. It didn’t work. I was miserable and ended up back at the drawing board, looking for a new project to create that was in line with where I eventually wanted to be.

My downfall has been money. I’ve been a calculated risk taker. I’ve always kept a full-time job while pursuing my endeavors on the side. This can work for the short term, but I have recognized that it’s not in my best interest to pursue two visions that are polar opposites. I get confused. Which should I work on? Usually, my own goals trump the company’s vision. Again, that’s not fair to me or my employer.

While I am not at the point where I can solely be an entrepreneur and get rid of my day job, I am making sure that I continue working on my projects until they can sustain me monetarily. I don’t give up hope because many of the most successful entrepreneurs of our time weren’t prosperous overnight. Let the hustle continue.

Ladies, what’s been your experience as an entrepreneur?

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