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Ideally, if you’re saying, “I love you” to somebody for the first time, he just says it back. But sometimes he won’t, and there are some places and scenarios in which that becomes particularly painful. Here are 15 of the worst ways to say, “I love you” for the first time.

On a sticky note

You leave it on a sticky note with the sandwich you put on his desk. He can easily just pretend he was so hungry, he unwrapped the sandwich, threw away all the wrapping so quickly and didn’t see it. Now you’re making three sandwiches a day to try again.

“With Love”

Come on now. If you’re going to say it then say it! Don’t just put feelers out there with this, “With Love” BS. Of course, you might get an answer when his note to you just says, “From” or “Sincerely.” Ouch. He isn’t playing along.

In the bathroom

Sometimes you realize you love someone at odd times. Like when you’re on the toilet, he is flossing and you realize you love how comfortable you are with this person. But if he leaves your L bomb hanging, and you still need to wipe, you’ll never forget that moment. In fact, you might have a shy bladder the rest of your life.

At his parent’s place

You feel so close to him, so accepted by his parents and so excited about potentially growing old together, just like they did, so you blurt it out while his parents are in another room. And he doesn’t say it back. And you have to try and not cry in front of his parents the next two hours.

At a sports game

“WHAT? I’M SO SORRY I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER ALL THE NOISE! MAYBE IT’S BETTER WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER.” (Guy proceeds to drink so much beer he blacks out before the game is over. Was that intentional?)

After a funeral

Way to manipulate somebody’s emotions! Your guy will cling to anybody nearby after losing a loved one. If you get him to say, “I love you” after seeing his uncle in an open casket, he might feel a little duped the next day.

On April Fool’s

This is a cop out move. You say it on April Fool’s so if he doesn’t say it back you can say, “April Fool’s!” But the poor guy doesn’t know in the first place if this is a joke. And p.s. now it’s on the table, joke or no joke, and it’s awkward.

On your birthday

Way to put pressure on a guy: telling him you love him on your birthday. Better yet, at your birthday party where all of your friends are there—friends who might murder your guy if he doesn’t say it back on your big day.

On his birthday

You think the L word is the greatest gift you can give him. So, um, it’s the only gift you got him. And he doesn’t want it.

 

 

 

 

 

On a plane

Now you’re stuck together for who knows how many hours. And you are not allowed to walk around a plane, remember?

In the hospital

You’re toying with the poor guy again. He’s visiting you in the hospital and you’re so overwhelmed with emotions when you see him, you blurt it out. And he’s like, “Um…I brought you these balloons…”

 

In a toast

Making a toast to him, all eyes are on him, and his face clearly goes into shock when you drop the L bomb. Anyways…drink up!

 

 

During sex

You’re already pretty vulnerable since he is inside of you after all. So he feels like a real jerk if he doesn’t say it back.

 

 

 

 

 

In a card…with a big gift

So you did get him a real gift this time. And it’s enormous. Like a new car. But it comes with an obligation: the words, “I love you” are in the card and if he doesn’t say it back, he’s afraid he’ll lose the gift.

 

 

“I think I love you”

Well do you or don’t you?!

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