When you’re on your period, and your hormones are jumping, you often feel the urge to get it on more than usual. But what happens when your boyfriend is so grossed out by all that’s going on down there that he isn’t okay with having sex with you?
He’s not comfortable. Therefore, you close your eyes and think some naughty thoughts (that include Michael B. Jordan) until your hormones calm down. Not a big deal, right?
But what if he still wants you to go down on him during your break from sex? And not just one time, but all the time? Is the lack of reciprocation a problem?
It is for one young lady, we’ll call her Big Red, who said that she is starting to think her man is selfish sexually, and she’s sick of it.
A reader messaged us with this issue after starting her period and arguing with her man about why he won’t have sex with her while she’s on it. And this isn’t the first time he’s left her to fend for herself during her menstrual cycle. According to the woman, she has plenty of friends who engage in period sex with their spouses, and the only precaution they take is laying down a towel. So as she laid in bed with her boyfriend recently, she tried to initiate foreplay. She told him that all they needed was a towel and a condom to make it happen. She had been on her period for four days out of her usual six to seven and felt that her flow wasn’t as bad as it had been at the beginning of her cycle.
Still, he wasn’t feeling it.
“He told me that it was a matter of hygiene. He said he wasn’t comfortable doing all that because he doesn’t want to pull his d**k out and find it covered in blood like some kind of horror movie.”
But what he was comfortable with was saying that he wouldn’t mind if she gave him a blowjob instead.
“I told him to get the f**k outta here. He always expects me to give him head when I’m on my period, like every other day, but he has nothing to offer me. He doesn’t even try. He’s just like, ‘I’m not comfortable with that, but you could do this for me instead’…I can’t stand that.”
Big Red went on to say that her simple request turned into an argument because she was sick of him being selfish. Especially since sex when she’s OFF her period is nowhere near mindblowing. Pissed about it for a day or two, she told a friend what happened, and that individual told her she may have overreacted. So she reached out to us for confirmation of whether or not she was being a petty Patty.
I’ve personally never had period sex (if you haven’t either, get the 411 on the hygienics of it here). My partner is not here for it. And even though there have been times where I’ve tried to playfully coax him into doing something strange when the hormones were talking, I’ve become accustomed to expecting the four or five days I’m on my period to be intercourse-free. And honestly, I think I would be so focused on if I was bloated, if I smelled okay, and if I was leaking that I probably wouldn’t even be able to enjoy the moment. I’m always in my head.
So during my cycle, I try to “entertain” myself…or I just sit my ass down somewhere and read a book. So no, I don’t pressure my partner about doing something he’s not comfortable taking part in. And if the tables were turned and I was asked repeatedly to engage in a sexual act that made me feel uncomfortable, I know I would feel some type of way. Feel free to be open with one another about what you want sexually, but at the end of the day, you have to be mature enough to respect whatever decision your partner makes when it comes to making those desires happen.
But don’t get it twisted. I don’t think Big Red was wrong for feeling the way she does. Honestly, there’s something off about him consistently expecting her to go down on him when she’s not really getting anything in return to get her off. Let’s not pretend like giving head is a task as simple as tying one’s shoes. It requires energy and effort, and when you know that the same energy and effort isn’t being put towards pleasing you in a similar manner, you end up a bit peeved, as Big Red was.
To me, that seems to be the bigger issue. If sex, whether you’re on your period or not, is mostly about one person while the other does all the work (and not because they genuinely derive an enormous amount of pleasure from pleasing someone else in bed), you have a selfish partner on your hands. Big Red didn’t mention how long she’s been seeing this guy. But I would say that if after making her concerns known he still doesn’t step it up and reciprocate (mind you, period sex is still off the table), she may need to call it a day and find someone who is willing to put in work…
But that’s just my opinion. What do you think? Is it petty to be frustrated with your partner when they repeatedly decline having sex with you on your period? Should Big Red’s boyfriend be more open-minded? Was he wrong for expecting her to please him while she’s on her period, but not the other way around?
