Elevating from ‘Bustdown’ Status

May 12, 2011  |  


We exist in a society that promotes the idea of learning oneself before jumping into a relationship/marriage. Long gone are the days of getting wifed up in your early 20s and crapping out a child a couple years later: we’re in the era of bustdowns, jump-offs and seed-spreading in the name of having a warm body to press up against, commitment be damned.

I’m certainly no stranger to keeping the company of fair maidens whom I enjoyed only to a degree: I was happy to watch a DVD or two with them, converse about life and plunder their nether regions. But they never met the fam, rarely met the crew and never had any significant amount of money spent on them.

Of course, these relationships exist to ultimately end, and they should do so without a bang. But too often they end before one person is ready, or even worse, with one person in denial or completely oblivious to what’s really going on. That’s when things get unseemly.

I can attest to this because I was once the a$$hole who milked a situation as much as I could before it could be milked no more, avoiding any conversation about our “future” for fear that she would leave altogether and I’d lose my good thing. I convinced myself I wasn’t committing any moral sins as long as I didn’t outright lie to a woman when confronted. And I basically still feel this way.

It’s dreadfully easy to fall into this trap, so if you find yourself confused, I implore you to ask your man for absolute clarity regarding his feelings about the direction of the relationship. If you’re both on the same page, fantastic. But if your feelings grow – certainly understandable if you’re regularly bumping uglies and sleeping overnight in the same bed – and he’s still tepid, chalk it up as a loss and press on.

Even though your enjoyment of the package might prevent you from having a conversation that could make it forever go away, living in a fantasy world where a man gives you only some of what you want is not the righteous way to go. Besides, there’s something to be said about holding off on the sausage so you can get the whole pizza…

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