You Know You Have No Man When: Funny Signs Of A Single Woman’s Apartment

April 15, 2015  |  
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If you have a nagging relative coming over who worries about you being single, it’s time to clean house. Look around for these obvious signs of a single woman’s apartment. If they’re all over your apartment and you’re worried about that relative coming for you and your singleness, get rid of them!

 

 

Underwear on the floor

It’s not because of your crazy sex life. Your panties are on the floor because you threw them there as you got into bed. You are not the least bit concerned that somebody may come over and see your dirty underwear.

Dirty toilet bowl

There is no man lifting up the seat to see what’s in there (or around it), and you’re not interested in impressing anyone else. For that reason, you’re not in a rush to pull out the Scrubbing Bubbles.

You actually own movies

The only people who still buy physical movies in line at the grocery store are ones who think, “Well, it’s something to do.”

You don’t use the sheets

You’re the only one who gets in your bed. You don’t need to use sheets (they’re crumpled up at the bottom of the bed) and constantly wash and replace them. The cover is just fine.

Your laptop is always open

You’re not worried about anyone looking at the five online shopping tabs you have open or the quirky YouTube videos. Your social life exists on that laptop so there is no point in closing it.

Your fridge is full of healthy, boring food

Nothing indulgent, romantic or sexy. Just efficient, practical, sensible food (and maybe a carton of ice cream). Nothing you would like, eat after sex or feed a date.

Sparkly clothes everywhere

If you have tight, sparkly, sequin, snake-print clothing laying all around your home…you haven’t been going on dates. You’ve just been going to the club.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hot workout clothes

They smell very fresh because you’re there to be seen more than you are to actually workout.

 

Fashion that’s a little too fierce

Like a hat with a taxidermy bird on it. You wouldn’t buy those things if you were dating someone. You’d think twice if there were a man around to ask, “What on earth is that?!”

You have lots of projects going on

You’re fixing things, building things, decorating things. You’re projecting. (That’s a play on words!)

 

 

 

 

Dream boards

When the dream man comes along the need for dream boards (and all those sticky notes with quotes) goes away.

Takeout menus

You order takeout so much that you’ve ended up on mailing lists and the deliveryman knows your name and business.

Pubic hair on fleek

Only when you’re single do you let your downstairs area grow out so much that there is hair all over the bathroom when you finally shave.

 

Your couch is also a bed

You have pillows and blankets on your couch all of the time because you fall asleep in front of the TV a lot.

 

Scented candles are in use

Men can’t stand those smells. Those go out real fast when there is a male around regularly.

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