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If you are dating with the purpose of marriage, then you are going to have to focus on the romance as well as the finance when you are dating. Paying attention to how a man relates to money is crucial for predicting how well he will handle money when you guys are fully committed. If you are thinking that these are gold digger moves, think again. Gold diggers want to sniff out how much a man can give so she can take it all for herself to fund a lavish lifestyle. There is no love or romance from the perspective of a gold digger, just money.

On the other hand, you want to be in love and on the same page with the man that you marry so both of you can enjoy a quality of life that reflects your values and prepares you both to live comfortably now and in the future. Translation: you have plans for sticking around for the long haul.

He has no financial plan. If you are dating a guy that talks about making millions but has no actual blueprint for achieving it, then he’s not marriage material. If he talks about using his education for social and economic mobility or working for himself (and has done the work of starting the business), or how he plans to invest or save consistently over the course of his work life, then you know that you are speaking to a man that won’t make you poor, because most importantly, he has no plans for being broke himself.

He doesn’t value self-sufficiency and self-reliance.  If a man that you are dating does not have problems with being underemployed or unemployed for a long time, then he’s not marriage material. I am no fortune teller, but if you and he both are happy to date without him contributing financially to a relationship, that same lopsided paradigm will follow into a marriage. That means that there will be no real incentive or pressure for him to look for work because you have implicitly agreed by marrying him when he wasn’t employed that this situation would be okay for long-term relationship.

He has problems setting personal limits on his spending.  When you are dating for kicks and giggles, the guy that spends the most lavishly can be great company to keep. You get a lot of attention, you have over-the-top experiences, you enjoy opulence, extravagance, and decadence… all free. Yes, when you are not swiping the credit card and you don’t bear the financial consequences of conspicuous consumption, everything is all good. But think about it, do you want this man to be your partner for life? Will he be able to reign in the spending or have enough saved for life’s emergencies or once in the lifetime opportunities that require money or the access to it?


Connect with Kara @frugalfeminista. Learn more about The Frugal Feminista at Download her free ebook The 5-Day Financial Reset Plan: Eliminate Debt, Know Your Worth, and Heal Your Relationship with Money in Just 5 Days.

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